Sometimes You Just Don't Know How Good You Have It

I must be one of those odd wives.  I like this schedule.  Mind you, three 48s back to back to back is a bit much, but overall I do.  And that was just reinforced this summer.  For the last five weeks my hubby has been out at the BIT (Bureau of Instruction and Training - the academy, if you will) teaching the health and wellness component.  And he did a great job.  But, he missed out on summer with the kids and we missed him.  He presented it as this amazing opportunity - he would be home every night.  

Yeah, the next he says that, remind me that it is not as good as it sounds.  

Between him leaving at the crack of dawn - which is not his favorite thing, me having to be the enforcer of the alarm - also not enjoyable, and the kids crestfallen faces when they wake up and realize that he has already left - which went away in the last few weeks, sad unto itself, I am just grateful to have him home.  The last few weeks had football thrown in the mix and this week felt we needed more excitement, cue the puking girls.  It will be oh so nice to get back to our insane normal.  I actually miss having him around.  (I will deny saying that if you bring it up with him in the room, mind you. ;) )

I got up this morning -without an alarm, but still earlier than everyone else, and one of the polar bears yelled at me for breaking the peace in the house.  He's right, we need it. And as I sit here typing, the sun has risen and there is an amazing breeze coming in the window and my FF is still next to me. We are done with the 40 hour weeks.  He goes back on shift Saturday. I may have to go to a FF gathering without him, with FFs and families I don't really know.  But, as he so aptly pointed out, not like I really have a hard time talking to people I don't know.  Or perhaps, that last minute trade will fall in his lap.  None-the-less, it will be a nice day. The kids will enjoy themselves.

When the fire world starts to appear in playtime,
I know the kids are missing Daddy.

When I was talking to my dad about this a few weeks ago, he welcomed me to the real world.  I don't like it.  I have not enjoyed my visit and I don't think I want to come back for a while.  I either want to have the exact same schedule as we did teaching or this whole 24/48 thing is good, too.  9-5 which is actually 5:30 - 5:30, you can keep.  I don't like the real world.  I will stick to the insanity that has grown so nicely on my soul.  I kinda like it.

Have some fun with your muppets and enjoy some time with just your FF if you can sneak it in.  I think mine might have talked me into a day at the park and a bonfire to celebrate Daddy being home.  
And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

That was what I said, right??

And I did mean it.

But, what about when it starts to piss you off? What about when you just feel insignificant?  

Your day starts out okay.  But then your brakes, that were just redone the day before started on fire.  And my interview went really well, but I had to wait at the firehouse so I would not be stranded in a less than safe neighborhood.  And then we had to rush off to football.  And after football another firefighter whose kid is in the same league invited J out for a beer.  Usually, no big deal.  Usually, I don't care.  But I didn't get to debrief my husband with the interview.  And the night we had planned for after football was totally disregarded and...I was a cranky b-----.

And there was nothing he could do to make it better.  

I fell asleep while he was gone and when he came home, he wanted to talk about his discussion with the other fireman.  Bad mojo.  I don't sleep well and when you wake me up, I am up.  So, this was just a disaster waiting to happen.  I tried not to talk because nothing good was going to spew from me, so I grabbed a bottle of water and watched the rain from the front porch, until he could get to sleep. 

Nothing good was going to happen.  And he knew it.

So he went to sleep.  He needs sleep to function.  And I was up for an insane period of time.  Once I am up, I am up.  I wish I could go back to sleep like my FF.  But that is not a skill I possess.

When the alarm went off, he opted to stay with me - crabbiness and all - rather than go work out with the guys at 6am.  One, he knows how hard it is for him to have all the social interaction while I stay home and hold down the fort alone - again.  As hard as I try, I find that resentment creeps in when I feel locked into this domestic world all by myself.  We have a wedding this weekend, a bonus dog, a birthday party.  I have two more interviews and I am so not in the ready for any of them, in the manner my control freak personality requires. Two, we really can't go a day without being able to talk civilly to each other.  I know I can't.  It gave us an hour to talk about yesterday, and NOT my car starting on fire!

So, football tonight.  Interview this afternoon for a position I know I do not want.  Tomorrow is this position I wanted oh so badly three years ago.  Fingers crossed for that one!  

Make sure you talk to your FF.  Even if it is just to say I love you.  Keep those muppets in line, loving boundaries are my focus today - cleaning rooms today. You made it half way through the week.

PS - my hubby has 6 more days of this "40" hour week baloney and we can find our normal again!  Thank goodness!

PPS - Artwork by Ariel Rivas.

But I'll Be Home Every Night!

My FF has been in discussions with our Health and Safety Officer regarding the state of the mental health of our department for some time.  Starting last week, my FF is running one of the training sessions regarding this uncomfortable topic.  And it does make my heart happy for so many reasons.  First of all, our department recognized that there is an issue at hand and is doing something to address it. Twenty years ago, would this have been discussed, probably not.  The Fire World is full of testosterone, which is not weak.  And far too often depression is seen as a weakness.  

These discussions also make me quite proud, because my FF gets to spread his teacher wings for a bit.   He has walked in these shoes and pulled himself out of it, through so much work (almost literal blood, sweat and tears), that his personal experience makes his perspective real.  Definitely not as dry as the canned PowerPoint.

So, I had to get that out there first.  He is doing good things.  He is indeed the perfect man for the job.

That being said, I want him to go back on shift.

When he came to me and said, "But I'll be home every night", I thought - oh perfect!  Summer is the ideal time.  Nah.  Nope.  Not liking it.

He is home for dinner, a little bit of catch with the football and bed time.  And last week, if he wasn't at the BIT, he was at the race track.  So...we really didn't see him much.  This weekend was PACKED, crazy in a good way, but very little unscheduled time.  And today he is back at the academy, again doing great things, but not here.

Ah well.  This is just a testament to how this goofy world becomes normal so quickly.  I think he goes back on shift after the first week of August, so it is not all that far away.

Plans for the week are going to involve some day trips - today, the wading pool in out neighborhood.  Tomorrow the public museum - where yes, I will be chatting with the boys across the street so I can avoid the parking garage. (Convenient to know FFs around the city.) Wednesday, we might do the Art Museum. Thursday, hmmmm, we'll see where life takes us.

Anyway, enjoy your week. Love on those FFs.  Ask the hard questions found in this post. If you need anything with that, you know where to find me.  If it is too hard to talk about face to face, write a letter to your FF, but don't let it go because it is too hard.

Have some fun with your muppets - even if it is just some hot dogs and the Polish Water Park. ;)  Happy Monday!