A Stress Filled Weekend, Errrrr...Week

When I was a kid, I never really thought about how much time and effort my parents put into our music lessons, leagues, tournaments, rehearsals, practices, school...until I became a parent.  And then I never really thought about how hard it is to juggle all this solo, like a single mother.  Until my husband became a firefighter.  I know I could do it, but I know I have no desire to do so.  And yet, I find myself doing it on a regular basis

This weekend was one of those weekends.  And it spilled into this week

We got the costume started on Friday night - in the dark and finished Saturday afternoon.  Saturday was a trip to Party City as SOON as it opened.  Followed by flying home to grab N for his last football game of the year.  (Some awesome FFs may have made a public appearance at that game, making for a happy boy, by the way.)  After the game, we make a quick stop at the firehouse to thank the Captain for letting them stop for a bit and to tell Daddy how the game went.  From there we flew home, gathered up the muppets to make sure they ate.  (I'm letting B stay home and take on some responsibility - so far, so good.)  Ran to get some last minute adhesive for the Dalek costume...and then all heck broke loose.

Part of that is my fault.  Part of it is one more example of how my kids really need to listen.

I ran to the craft store to get the glue-it-all-forever-and-ever-amen adhesive that did not actually work.  And as I was leaving I noticed my camera bag - open - sitting on the loveseat.  I specifically asked the muppets to NOT sit there.  When I returned, with the glue (and a few Christmas ornaments.  Shhhh, don't judge.) and made B JUMP out of his skin.  Clearly he remembered that he was not supposed to be there.  Unfortunately, he jumped so high, that when he landed, the major shockwaves knocked the camera to the ground...knocking my mirror out of place.

I could have killed the boy.  I called the phone at the firehouse when the the FF did not answer his...simply because I was pacing outside, convincing myself that we could let the boy child live.  <sigh>

From there we went on to finishing all of the costumes and soon it was time for the neighborhood night time Trick-or-Treating. They loved it.  I would love to show you the amazing pictures of my witch and my ninja girl and my Dalek, but you will have to deal with just my cell phone pictures.  Anyway, they loved the darkness.  We took Gio with us, complete with a Jolly Rodger Bandana with a sign demanding to know who stole his peg leg.  Gotta love tri-pawed humor.

After a bit, O got tired, so my oldest, who is now my assistant on the holidays that daddy works took O and Gio back, while I continued on with the other three.

They were exhausted.

The next day was the mass to bless the firefighters at St. Florian's parish.  FF had a long night and was unsympathetic to the drama of the previous two days.  I made some comment about how I needed to stop trying to fit too much in on shift days and he scolded me for being passive-aggressive.  

I am not sure how he survived the daggers my eyes threw at him.

I truly was reflecting that perhaps I need to scale back.  Especially on shift days. 

Let's just say, I sat with the kids in between us and it was a very quiet mass. Unfortunately, it took all of mass for me to remind myself he was tired and calm down that dang Irish temper I find myself with.

St. Florian's put on a lovely mass for us.  The reception and trick-or-treat gifts for the kids were wonderful as well.  It was so very nice.

From there, we got the costumes on, hit some grandparents up for candy, did some daylight trick-or-treating and came home exhausted...again.

The week did not get any better.  Work wore me out.  Tuesday was carpool, state standardized tests (which RUIN kids for the rest of the day), running from school at the end of the day, to the firehouse to take some meds to my hubby, to the grocery store since lunches were near impossible that morning to turning in football gear...I made it home shortly after 7pm to be bombarded by "MOMMA, I need this NOW!" drama.  I was hungry and tired and exhausted again.

It was so busy that another FFW was worried and called because I went off the social media grid - no blog, no tweets, little action on FB.

So, my lovely FF bought a new stool for my vanity.  It is an antique that needs some love.  The stool is far too fragile for anyone to use.  So I have been either sitting on the corner of my bed or use a pocket mirror.  He had enough and found one that matched my wrought iron bed.  I was so excited!  (And so is my parakeet, daughter.)  He also mopped the floors and did some laundry.  Today he is taking care of the canine crew for me, having the vet come while the kids and are at school.

One more day of testing.  The weekend will be here soon and hopefully we can recuperate.  

I hope your lives are quieter and will get some pictures up here at lunch. 

Amazing Evolution of a Fire Wife

I am amazed at how we as fire wives learn to adapt and evolve.  Three years ago we were preparing for the academy.  I knew life was going to change, but I did not realize that I would be standing on my head most days.  That first year was miserable! 

 I was trying SO hard to be supportive, but I found more resentment than anything else.  The academy left me with 5 children instead of 4.  I was helping him study every night, trying to keep him awake, after chasing after the kids alone all day.  I mean, I had a 2 year-old!  I learned how to mow the lawn and solidified the fact that I HATE doing laundry alone.  I moved my classroom from our garage to a school more than an hour away from our home - with four children in tow.  My FF was learning his place in the fire world and the life of a cub was not exactly easy. Trick-or-treating was his first shift, his captain welcomed us with open arms, but my FF hurried us out - quickly - so as not to take any flack for us being there. Thanksgiving was alone, well, without my FF.  But, all I had to do was the side dishes, so all was well, or as well as it could be. When he was on shift Christmas Eve we visited Daddy with cookies at the firehouse.  I learned to play Santa ALL BY MYSELF - even with our oldest refusing to go to sleep because he needed to see Santa.  I learned to juggle everything when he was mandated for Christmas Day.  Everything that could go wrong, did, when he was on shift.  I am oh so grateful that I had family close by when there were ER visits that turned into admissions - and he was on shift.  Not many events for my shining moments highlight reel here.  But we made it through that first year - kind of clinging to each other, but together.

Two years ago, I  was still trying to figure out what in the heck was going on.  Still trying to manage the muppets, potty training and "stuff" by myself.  I was still learning to sleep alone and how to be happy in our marriage with him gone most of the time.  I was packing up our house (and unpacking) - alone.  I found myself in a city where I knew no one. BUT, I learned how to just be during this time.  Our house was broken  into - while he was on shift. My FF found himself in the med program, so I found myself with a 5 kids again. I found myself learning different classifications of drugs and protocol for various scenarios.  Again, he was in class all day, studying all night.  But this time, I did not have family 5 minutes away - I was truly on my own.  We hadn't made close friends, we weren't in this city long enough.  I learned that you just have to roll with things and deal with them.  

Last summer, I packed up our house - AGAIN - alone.  I unpacked and established our house, alone, AGAIN.  BUT, this time, I had a FF family next door - on the same shift.  We had never met until we came to look at the house.  My husband "knew" the FF from the department, but they were not friends.  But this time I was not alone.  My family was on the other side of town, but at least we were in the same city.  When something goes wrong on shift days, I literally have someone right next door to help with my muppets.  Football season sucked my soul, but having a fire family next door made it suck a but less.  When it was a shift day and I brought the three younger muppets home to eat and play, she would often take them and get them in the shower for me so I could make the hour and half round trip back to get the oldest.  

Somehow a FF was desperate to get New Year's Eve off, so my FF was home for Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day.  The muppets and I chilled and had sparkling apple juice for NYE.  My boys made it past midnight.  And it was just fine.  It was fun and it was bonding.  Would I have loved for my FF to be home?  Of course, but we enjoyed ourselves anyway.  We have learned to be our own people. 

This summer, I think we have finally found our groove.  It is not heartbreaking when we come to the firehouse and his rig is out.  In fact last night, daddy had a trade at a quiet house - back half of a 48.  And when we go there, you guessed it, the engine was out.  (My FFW gal next door said it is me - if the engine is out THERE, it is just me!  lol) No worries, I LOVE this neighborhood, so we walked over to the local Italian grocery story, grabbed some cookies for my FFW next door, commented on how many of these businesses had water out for their k9 customers and made our way back.  The engine pulled back into quarters while we were about a block away.  Perfect time.  We had watermelon with daddy.  Played in the engine, took a look at the pictures of the original house, with its horse drawn fire wagon - not even a steam engine.  And all was well.  We went to dinner with my dad, I got the kids to bed.  Earlier this week, I did all the 4th of July stuff, alone.  And for the first time.  That was okay.  I am okay when he's too busy for a phone call.  I appreciate when he his home for holidays, but it no longer rocks my being. 

Not only do the firefighters in our lives grow and evolve, but so do we.  We are amazing and strong and resourceful.  We just have to have faith in ourselves.  No matter where you are on the journey of a fire wife, know that it is a journey.  You will look at things through a different lens as the experience progresses.  Whether you are - 

pulling your hair out because he has back to back 48s and the babies are sick and there's no food in the house and the dog made a mess and...

or

wishing he would go back to work so you can watch what you want on TV or just read your newest Nook procurement.  

Muppets with my phone - yesterday's shenanigans.

These experiences shape who you are.  They strengthen your character and make you, you.  Love the time when your firefighter is with you.  Cherish those moments.  But also learn to love the time you have with yourself.  Learn one thing about your kids each shift or plan one activity for just you and your muppets.  That way not only do they cherish the fun that they have when Daddy comes home, but also the time when they don't have to share mommy with daddy.  Simple things - picnic lunch in the park with your girlfriend and her kids, glow in the dark bubbles, chalk drawings, a girls only movie night or a Foosball tourney in the basement.  Just have fun.  The laundry will still be there (trust me, it doesn't go away) but the kids are not always going to be there.

My FF will be home in about an hour.  My muppets have officially been worn out and are still sleeping.  Life is crazy, but these moments of peace remind me that this is life. Tomorrow is his last 24 hour shift for a while.  I am excited to have dinner with him and walk through the neighborhood with him every night.  I love having him home, please don't think I don't.  But, I have also learned to love the time with myself.  Love that firefighter, love your muppets and love yourself.  Keys to happiness, for sure.

He's home...finally

Well, not mine.  We are about to start the back half of our 48.  He is being sent to a "fun" house.  On a quieter engine, in an awesome neighborhood.  He  might spend his day passing out cookies to the k9 constituency of his area.  It will be a good day for him.

I am missing him at the moment.  The kids are still sleeping since we got in so late.  But its all good.  I will have this moment tomorrow.  How amazing will that be!

So those of you (like me) who made the parade, picnic, fireworks circuit  solo this year, throw your arms around him and say welcome home.  He is home.  And that alone is a reason to rejoice.

Happy Independence Day!

Sleep has not been my friend lately.  Ehh, not the end of the world, but still rather annoying.  But it does allow me quite a bit of time to think - scary thought.  My mind really wanders during these moments.

FF is starting a 48 today, which means I am on my own for the 4th.  No worries, I got this.  Parade at 9am, Ice Cream in the park afterwards.  Come home for some lunch and running around.  Party with friends at 5pm, head back over to the Park for Fireworks - life is good.  I will definitely miss my FF.  He'll sleep Saturday, go back to work Sunday and then there's a race at the Mile Monday and Tuesday.  But then, then life "slows down".  He is going on to 40 hour weeks starting next week - M-Tr - NICE!  He will doing some amazing work for the mental health of our department - BONUS!  And I will get to spend every night with him and three day weekends.  See me in August when I can't wait for him to go back on shift, but for right now, it sounds heavenly!  (PLUS - he will be home with me on Sundays - I don't have to do Mass solo for a bit!!!)  It is only for a month, but it is perfect timing!

I am writing to you from a really crowded bed.  My FF is sleeping peacefully on his half - makes for a happy FireMan.  The polar bears are at MY feet.  My youngest is on my other side, she just came down a bit ago and asked if she could snuggle.  She's out cold and past the feet in the face stage.  Now, I was a "No kids allowed in my bed unless you are dying" kind of a mom for most of parenting career.  Muppets could come in on Saturday mornings and snuggle and watch cartoons or to calm the soul after a nightmare, but even that was off to bed once all was calm.  And I think it was the right thing for my family.  They sleep beautifully and are relatively easy to get moving in the morning - no real complaints. 

But as of late, I have gotten rather lax with the back to bed part.  It is mainly O that comes down.  But she's my last.  Soon no one will want to snuggle with me.  The girls still love to snuggle, B likes to come lay with the dogs and watch TV in my room - but soon he will be a recluse, hiding in the magical world of his bedroom like his brother.  So, I have gotten soft.  When she came down at 4:30am, I didn't send her back, instead I pulled back the covers and welcomed her.  And I am enjoying it.  I know as the oldest, it sucks when the rules get softened for the younger kids, but I just can't help it!  Ah well, there are far worse things I could be doing to this child then letting her snuggle at sunrise.

Anyway,  enough of my ramblings for the day.  Enjoy the 4th - EVEN IF YOUR FIREFIGHTER IS ON SHIFT!  There is still love and friendship to be had without him, enjoy those memories as well.  

Be safe!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

And our dirty from stomping around in the backyard toes!!  Have a great holiday!