Control Freak

I am a control freak.

No question about it.  I am working on, but I am unsuccessful as of yet.

My Christmas tree was a prime example. Since the kids have their own, I didn't let them help me very much.  And I undid what they decorated.

I must have order in my kingdom. Order and balance and complimentary colors.

The kids have their own tree, colored lights, character ornaments, handmade loveliness.

And now our oldest is going back through and redecorating what the little muppets took so much joy in decorating.

Kids learn what they see, regardless of what you preach.

Same is true for my interactions with adults. I am a control freak. I will indeed take over just so things get done perfectly.

I must have order in my kingdom.

I have a student teacher.  Older than the traditional student teacher, but very much a baby in their own right.  And the university that sent from has created a year-long student teaching program. This semester is referred to as "student teaching lite".

I HATE IT!

I must have order in my kingdom.

This diet student teaching simply creates one more prep for me, with no time for it. In fact, working with this baby teacher takes away my prep period.  You know, the one I use to grade, make copies, place phone calls to parents, plan, etc.

Because, you know, I have SOOOOO much time at home to do this.

It is killing me to turn my class over to my baby teacher. I tried to hide in another classroom to just let him teach, but I could hear my kids.

There was no order in my kingdom.  There was chaos and profanity.  And as I walked by to peek, my baby teacher was looking lost.

I know that there is growth. I know that there needs to be practice, but these are my babies.

And I am a control freak,

Wish me luck and patience. This is my area of personal growth needs.

I must have order in my kingdom.

On much more sorrowful note, please send your thoughts and prayers to Philly. Firefighter Joyce Craig Lewis lost her life in the Line of Duty.  Kiss those firefighters of yours. Tomorrow is never promised. Peace.

Don't Be A Freak

Control Freak. That might have been a better name for my mom to have assigned me. 

I want to fix everything and make it so.  There are definitely good things that come out of it, but mostly it feels like I might go insane.

As I have matured (I really don't see myself as older, yet), I have come to accept that not everything is with in my control and I just have to accept that as a fact of life.

Today was a really good day and then things just got, ugh, well... here is what I have learned through my life's journey.

• Bad things happen to good people.  Being married to a public servant, which just find ourselves more immersed in those events. Nothing we can do about that, but listen, love and support them.  You all know where I stand if you think they need more.
• John Q. Public will never understand.  They will almost always see the FFs cleaning the truck and sitting outside in the bay doors in the summer.  They are sleeping up close to Mrs. John Q. Public while that same rig is on the scene of the burning metal shavings, soaked in grease and oil, and flames are shooting 30 feet into the air. For everyone that sees them shopping in the morning, no one will see them run out at 2am when their tones go off.
• Sometimes we just won't understand.  And that is just the way it goes.  I am a high school teacher.  Flour and water are everywhere - all I can think is that they are trying to make Play-doh like the pre-school teachers.  And things, periodically, will get out of hand.  Make sure that  is not your FF. Sleep allows them to heal - mind and body. Even at home when you have been up all night, too. I do believe, whole heartedly, that XX DNA allows us to function while sleep deprieved and XY DNA just does not. By the way, pots and pans and wooden spoons make no difference with that, don't ask me how I know.
• They are your family, just as much as his.  I had a bit of a scary event recently and I was amazed at how many of the guys reminded me that I could just call, they would be there on shift nights...with proper instruments in hand. And these are not the guys I have known since J has been on the job.  These are the guys on the opposite shift at the house he has been at since December...and he is usually sent out.
• As much as 48s drive me insane, so do periods where he is home for weeks on end.  We just finished up 3 weeks where he only worked on the weekends - one day.  AT THAT JUST SUCKED.  Not only did I not get to watch what I know he is not a fan of on shift night (because shift night never came), I also did not get to enjoy just chillin' with him while I was home on the weekend. SO, I've decided we just need to keep the 24/48 thing going on a loop and hire a maid, mechanic, handy man, and nurse for the shift days.  They will earn their keep - that is when EVERYTHING will go wrong.  And I can just sit and watch Frozen with the muppets while they all take care of the exploding water heater that put out the pilot light in the furnace causing a freak accident which caused all of my tires to go flat while my youngest broke both her legs and one of the others has projectile vomit and 2 major projects due tomorrow that Daddy PROMISED he would help with. (Which, if you did the math, means I am watching Frozen alone...in my bedroom, with the door closed.)
• Spring is NEVER coming back.  Which means on those nights when I am soooo happy to have that remote to myself, I will be stuck under the fleece blanket, under the denim quilt, under the Pooh Bear comforter, under the Batman comforter, under our regular comforter with the polar bears making a FFW sandwich.  I can't complain, because he is out in the cold, hoping to not slip on the ice at the residence that has not shoveled their walk since November.  And I realize I can't fuss.

So, lesson of the day~

Control freaks are still freaks...just highly specialized freaks.  Don't be a FREAK, just be!

(Think that will be a quote on a classroom door some day, like all the quotes I have up???  I think so...you are seeing history in motion. Mark it down!  Well, okay, you are seeing a history TEACHER in motion.  Still note worthy, just ask my over taxed students.  They would be HAPPY to tell you allllll about it.)

Friday is coming!  See you in an hour and a day...dear, dear Friday.

Dance the chicken dance with your muppets and dance like it is your wedding night with your firefigther.  That laundry will still be there when What a Wonderful World comes to an end, no worries.