My Week in Review

Craziness does not begin to explain it.  The Boston Fire hits home, even though we are half a country away.  The Fire Wife community gasped a collective breath.  I know sometimes the guys think we are over reacting...and some are.  But, for that split second we can all feel the heartbreak that those left behind will feel for the rest of their lives.  There is of course much discussion to be had in our circles.  I pray we never have to have these discussions again.

Work was insane, but in an amazing way.  My kids latched on to a 95 Theses project, that I always do, like I never expected.  It real, it was genuine, and it was a bit raw.  But they EXPERIENCED learning, like I think they never have before...or at least have not felt often enough.  And, unlike Martin Luther, the anti-Semitic, misogynistic, ill tempered scripture scholar, the voices of my kids were heard.  Our principal is going to address some of their concerns. I found that out while they were working with Serve2Unite and the University on a HUGE community service project.  And when I stepped back into my room and shared the news, their collective faces lit UP! They even came up with a name - the BVHS Neighborhood Ninjas. LOVE! From there, the inspiration flowed through the room and it was awesome to see.

I went to a Bucks game with the kids and my FF on Thursday.  I did not sleep well at all, so I was searching for a proper excuse to NOT go.  Couldn't find one...and so I went.  Suddenly, I got a text from an amazing FFW.  She came out of the bathroom and there were two little girls that looked amazingly like mine!  So, given the empty nature of the BC, we found 2 rows we could all fit in.  The FFs sat and chatted all night, the kids bonded and I enjoyed myself where I expected to be fighting to stay awake.  Such a nice surprise!

We found a place that will take my grandpa.  They have a secure facility.  My dad and grandma were happy with what they saw.  OF COURSE, there is a bump in the road.  Things were going so smoothly.  He had TB when my dad was 12ish...to they point where both of his parents were in a sanitarium.  Any TB test you give him, will come back positive.  So, we go through the X-Rays, but he can't take a deep enough breath to get a clear image.  So, yesterday they were doing a CT to check.  And so, we hurry up and wait.  My dad is meeting with the admin of the building we are hoping to move him to this week. Fingers crossed.

We are just wrapping up a 48.  I had to run to the firehouse Friday night to drop off his meds. That would be a BAD thing to go without on a 48. The tones went off after he got done mopping the kitchen - in his sexy basketball shorts, black socks and Crocs. <snicker> Tones said hit by a car or ejected from a car.  As I was leaving, a witness pulled up in a panic.  I calmed her down and assured her, they were leaving in a matter of seconds.  I speak enough Spanish to usually get by, but speedy, freaked Spanish is not in my repertoire.  I got her calmed down - turns out it was a pedestrian hit and her foot was amputated.  Clearly a reason to be freaked out. 

The Muppets are doing well. One is barking like a seal.  Her bronchiospasms are insane. Clearly, there needs to be some medical attention given.  Our honey cough syrup and cough drops are not cutting it. Although, if I could get her to NOT run or yell, I can keep it undercontrol.  The other girly girl smooshed her glasses.  The boys and I did some spring cleaning...which was interrupted by iPod usage.  Needless to say, I confiscated said electronic devices. Way too much like work.  Funny thing was, I got the same excuse - checking the time.  My only issue with that - he was in the living room on the couch.  Had he been in the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher - where there are 3 clocks available in an 8 foot radius. Sooooo, they are now sitting on my dresser.

I also addressed my bedding issue.  Our dog fur layer, does not stick to they satiny type comforters. So that is what I have been buying.  But, they do not hold up to polar bears sneaking up on the bed.  So, we needed a quilt.  I looked into a couple of options, one I would still like to make happen, but I bought one in the mean time. The fireman approved from afar, so life is good.   

Bucks won, Badgers are in the Final Four, Opening Day is upon us. ON WISCONSIN!


And now, I am waiting for the day to begin.  Mass and then breakfast with my FF.  From there, the three stooges are going with my FF to see my grandpa.  My seal-girl and I will be staying behind.  I do believe she will be getting some much coveted computer time and I will be getting some grading in.

Have a great Sunday!  

Grief from Afar

Two more firefighters lost.  It sends off a swell of beautiful, heartfelt images.

Source: Boston Fire on Twitter – @BostonFire

I should be in bed, but the sound of an engine flying down the street woke me up, my FF never flinched.  From there, the usually comforting sound of his CPAP is just not allowing me to go back to sleep, so I write.

The "what-ifs" and "I can't even imagines" have begun to creep into my mind.  We all know all too well that we do indeed imagine...every time this news hits.  I am not sure why we lir to ourselves.  We put ourselves in the wife's shoes.  Every single one of us.  

I have honestly been trying to avoid the world of LODDs.  I haven't sent cards quite as religiously as I had before.  It was more than I could process while keeping all of the other balls in the air going.

Clearly, my avoiding it did not serve as a very good cease and desist.  There was no purpose to my avoidance.

I have no words.  I have no advice.  I can't even think where to go with this this.  I am not sure why it is bugging me so much.  But clearly it is and hence the reason why I am on this blog, when I should be allowing my brain to recuperate. 

There is a family left behind to go through this.  Forged both in blood and fire.  One of the FFs left behind a wife and three kids. The other was a Marine.  He served his country and his community. There were real people under those lids and SCBA with real lives.  I hope the families can take come comfort in knowing how many lives have been touched by their dedication and sacrifice.

I got an email earlier this week from A. Nonymous...upset that I was losing my focus as a FFW blogger and yapping too much about my classroom.  This is a blog that is supposed to focus on the life involved with being married to a firefighter.  Guess what, my classroom is part of my life being married to a firefighter. It is part of my soul and therefore part of his life as well.   I am the sum of all my parts, as I said earlier with a flurry of complaints that were a complete 180. People were upset that I was losing myself as I transitioned into their world of being married to a FF.  Now, they don't want to hear about my mundane part of life. 

Guess what, I would rather be writing about my classroom right now.  I hate writing about this.  I hate researching who the people were behind the symbols of grief that flood social media.  I hate looking for those left behind.  I hate knowing that there are hearts breaking and lives being turned on their ears and there is not a damn thing that I can do about it.  

An entire community mourns, an entire family - spanning the globe mourns.  We can all put ourselves in that situation and feel those emotions as real and as raw as it was us.  The difference is, we can shake it off and know that is okay.  For Boston, there are people that will spend the rest of their lives trying to shake it off and accept that this is real. 

And here is where I kick myself in the arse for not replenishing my card stock because I did not want to deal with it.  Deal with what?  Sounds so silly and self centered, doesn't it.  Guess who will be hitting the Hallmark aisle to grab some more to keep on hand.  That would be this girl.  There is no excuse for not letting a family know they're not alone through all of this.  Letting then know that there is a whole other family that is willing to help in anyway possible, even if it is just a late night conversation when the demons come in the dark of night. I have never had a family or spouse take me up on it, but that does not mean it is okay for me not to make that offer.  Hypocritical, for certain, as I sit her writing and chatting with 3 other FFWs during the course of this post.

To the families and loved ones of Lt. Edward J. Walsh, 43, of West Roxbury -- a father of three -- and Firefighter Michael R. Kennedy, 33, of Hyde Park, a U.S. Marine veteran - know our love, support and fallen tears are with you. Say the word and we will make sure you are not alone.  We can't bring your FFs back home to you, but just about anything else is possible.  To the men and women of the Boston Fire Department, our hearts break with yours.  PLEASE reach out for any support you might need.  PLEASE take advantage of the grief services offered to you.  It is the least that can be offered to you.

Kiss those FFs, hug 'em tight.  I have to be up in 3 1/2 hours, so I am off to join mine.

Peace, love and prayers...