Amazing Evolution of a Fire Wife

I am amazed at how we as fire wives learn to adapt and evolve.  Three years ago we were preparing for the academy.  I knew life was going to change, but I did not realize that I would be standing on my head most days.  That first year was miserable! 

 I was trying SO hard to be supportive, but I found more resentment than anything else.  The academy left me with 5 children instead of 4.  I was helping him study every night, trying to keep him awake, after chasing after the kids alone all day.  I mean, I had a 2 year-old!  I learned how to mow the lawn and solidified the fact that I HATE doing laundry alone.  I moved my classroom from our garage to a school more than an hour away from our home - with four children in tow.  My FF was learning his place in the fire world and the life of a cub was not exactly easy. Trick-or-treating was his first shift, his captain welcomed us with open arms, but my FF hurried us out - quickly - so as not to take any flack for us being there. Thanksgiving was alone, well, without my FF.  But, all I had to do was the side dishes, so all was well, or as well as it could be. When he was on shift Christmas Eve we visited Daddy with cookies at the firehouse.  I learned to play Santa ALL BY MYSELF - even with our oldest refusing to go to sleep because he needed to see Santa.  I learned to juggle everything when he was mandated for Christmas Day.  Everything that could go wrong, did, when he was on shift.  I am oh so grateful that I had family close by when there were ER visits that turned into admissions - and he was on shift.  Not many events for my shining moments highlight reel here.  But we made it through that first year - kind of clinging to each other, but together.

Two years ago, I  was still trying to figure out what in the heck was going on.  Still trying to manage the muppets, potty training and "stuff" by myself.  I was still learning to sleep alone and how to be happy in our marriage with him gone most of the time.  I was packing up our house (and unpacking) - alone.  I found myself in a city where I knew no one. BUT, I learned how to just be during this time.  Our house was broken  into - while he was on shift. My FF found himself in the med program, so I found myself with a 5 kids again. I found myself learning different classifications of drugs and protocol for various scenarios.  Again, he was in class all day, studying all night.  But this time, I did not have family 5 minutes away - I was truly on my own.  We hadn't made close friends, we weren't in this city long enough.  I learned that you just have to roll with things and deal with them.  

Last summer, I packed up our house - AGAIN - alone.  I unpacked and established our house, alone, AGAIN.  BUT, this time, I had a FF family next door - on the same shift.  We had never met until we came to look at the house.  My husband "knew" the FF from the department, but they were not friends.  But this time I was not alone.  My family was on the other side of town, but at least we were in the same city.  When something goes wrong on shift days, I literally have someone right next door to help with my muppets.  Football season sucked my soul, but having a fire family next door made it suck a but less.  When it was a shift day and I brought the three younger muppets home to eat and play, she would often take them and get them in the shower for me so I could make the hour and half round trip back to get the oldest.  

Somehow a FF was desperate to get New Year's Eve off, so my FF was home for Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day.  The muppets and I chilled and had sparkling apple juice for NYE.  My boys made it past midnight.  And it was just fine.  It was fun and it was bonding.  Would I have loved for my FF to be home?  Of course, but we enjoyed ourselves anyway.  We have learned to be our own people. 

This summer, I think we have finally found our groove.  It is not heartbreaking when we come to the firehouse and his rig is out.  In fact last night, daddy had a trade at a quiet house - back half of a 48.  And when we go there, you guessed it, the engine was out.  (My FFW gal next door said it is me - if the engine is out THERE, it is just me!  lol) No worries, I LOVE this neighborhood, so we walked over to the local Italian grocery story, grabbed some cookies for my FFW next door, commented on how many of these businesses had water out for their k9 customers and made our way back.  The engine pulled back into quarters while we were about a block away.  Perfect time.  We had watermelon with daddy.  Played in the engine, took a look at the pictures of the original house, with its horse drawn fire wagon - not even a steam engine.  And all was well.  We went to dinner with my dad, I got the kids to bed.  Earlier this week, I did all the 4th of July stuff, alone.  And for the first time.  That was okay.  I am okay when he's too busy for a phone call.  I appreciate when he his home for holidays, but it no longer rocks my being. 

Not only do the firefighters in our lives grow and evolve, but so do we.  We are amazing and strong and resourceful.  We just have to have faith in ourselves.  No matter where you are on the journey of a fire wife, know that it is a journey.  You will look at things through a different lens as the experience progresses.  Whether you are - 

pulling your hair out because he has back to back 48s and the babies are sick and there's no food in the house and the dog made a mess and...

or

wishing he would go back to work so you can watch what you want on TV or just read your newest Nook procurement.  

Muppets with my phone - yesterday's shenanigans.

These experiences shape who you are.  They strengthen your character and make you, you.  Love the time when your firefighter is with you.  Cherish those moments.  But also learn to love the time you have with yourself.  Learn one thing about your kids each shift or plan one activity for just you and your muppets.  That way not only do they cherish the fun that they have when Daddy comes home, but also the time when they don't have to share mommy with daddy.  Simple things - picnic lunch in the park with your girlfriend and her kids, glow in the dark bubbles, chalk drawings, a girls only movie night or a Foosball tourney in the basement.  Just have fun.  The laundry will still be there (trust me, it doesn't go away) but the kids are not always going to be there.

My FF will be home in about an hour.  My muppets have officially been worn out and are still sleeping.  Life is crazy, but these moments of peace remind me that this is life. Tomorrow is his last 24 hour shift for a while.  I am excited to have dinner with him and walk through the neighborhood with him every night.  I love having him home, please don't think I don't.  But, I have also learned to love the time with myself.  Love that firefighter, love your muppets and love yourself.  Keys to happiness, for sure.

He's home...finally

Well, not mine.  We are about to start the back half of our 48.  He is being sent to a "fun" house.  On a quieter engine, in an awesome neighborhood.  He  might spend his day passing out cookies to the k9 constituency of his area.  It will be a good day for him.

I am missing him at the moment.  The kids are still sleeping since we got in so late.  But its all good.  I will have this moment tomorrow.  How amazing will that be!

So those of you (like me) who made the parade, picnic, fireworks circuit  solo this year, throw your arms around him and say welcome home.  He is home.  And that alone is a reason to rejoice.

Happy Independence Day!

Sleep has not been my friend lately.  Ehh, not the end of the world, but still rather annoying.  But it does allow me quite a bit of time to think - scary thought.  My mind really wanders during these moments.

FF is starting a 48 today, which means I am on my own for the 4th.  No worries, I got this.  Parade at 9am, Ice Cream in the park afterwards.  Come home for some lunch and running around.  Party with friends at 5pm, head back over to the Park for Fireworks - life is good.  I will definitely miss my FF.  He'll sleep Saturday, go back to work Sunday and then there's a race at the Mile Monday and Tuesday.  But then, then life "slows down".  He is going on to 40 hour weeks starting next week - M-Tr - NICE!  He will doing some amazing work for the mental health of our department - BONUS!  And I will get to spend every night with him and three day weekends.  See me in August when I can't wait for him to go back on shift, but for right now, it sounds heavenly!  (PLUS - he will be home with me on Sundays - I don't have to do Mass solo for a bit!!!)  It is only for a month, but it is perfect timing!

I am writing to you from a really crowded bed.  My FF is sleeping peacefully on his half - makes for a happy FireMan.  The polar bears are at MY feet.  My youngest is on my other side, she just came down a bit ago and asked if she could snuggle.  She's out cold and past the feet in the face stage.  Now, I was a "No kids allowed in my bed unless you are dying" kind of a mom for most of parenting career.  Muppets could come in on Saturday mornings and snuggle and watch cartoons or to calm the soul after a nightmare, but even that was off to bed once all was calm.  And I think it was the right thing for my family.  They sleep beautifully and are relatively easy to get moving in the morning - no real complaints. 

But as of late, I have gotten rather lax with the back to bed part.  It is mainly O that comes down.  But she's my last.  Soon no one will want to snuggle with me.  The girls still love to snuggle, B likes to come lay with the dogs and watch TV in my room - but soon he will be a recluse, hiding in the magical world of his bedroom like his brother.  So, I have gotten soft.  When she came down at 4:30am, I didn't send her back, instead I pulled back the covers and welcomed her.  And I am enjoying it.  I know as the oldest, it sucks when the rules get softened for the younger kids, but I just can't help it!  Ah well, there are far worse things I could be doing to this child then letting her snuggle at sunrise.

Anyway,  enough of my ramblings for the day.  Enjoy the 4th - EVEN IF YOUR FIREFIGHTER IS ON SHIFT!  There is still love and friendship to be had without him, enjoy those memories as well.  

Be safe!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

And our dirty from stomping around in the backyard toes!!  Have a great holiday!

Rescue Me

There are rivers of tears in the fire world as the week goes on.  19 lives lost far too soon.  19 families that will never be whole again.  19 heroes that our world will never forget.

But, on a quite regular basis, our firefighters, as well as other emergency crews, see far more tragic events than most of us can even imagine.  Abuse, neglect, violence, tragic accidents...all of these events that are attended to on every shift, leave a little piece of that event with the firefighters.  And, although the fireworld mourns the loss of these amazing hotshots who gave all, we have to also make sure we are tending to the firefighters that need our attention just as much...including those right next to us.

Sometimes the signs are subtle, sometimes they are neon billboards that we really don't want to see.  Sometimes we just need to know what we are looking for.  

My FF will be taking a month off of his rig to help attend to and educate his department as to the signs of depression, PTSD and drug and alcohol abuse.  He will be going to every house, on every shift in an attempt to reach every firefighter.  It is an amazing opportunity for him to bring his education background into the fire world.  And it is an attempt to make a difference - even if it is only to that one.

We have suffered some tragic and heartbreaking losses in our department, and it is not really my tale to tell. BUT, it is a story that is far too common in the firefighting world.  How can you expect the men and women who bring out the charred remains of children left home alone, locked in a bedroom to not impact them?  Sometimes it is a career ending injury that leaves them feeling as though they have lost their identity and have no reason to continue on.  Perhaps it is the all to real statistic about the impact of fire service on marriages hitting far too close to home. Whatever the cause, we have seen it take a toll on our department.  And I am so very proud that they are addressing a glaring need and that my firefighter was asked to be a part of that.  Far too often it is over looked or brushed aside in the fire world, and that can indeed have deadly consequences. 

I know we have all seen this on Facebook, but sometimes the picture is worth a thousand of my silly words.
Thanks to Paul Combs for his amazing work.

The department, however, is not the only side to this story.  Our firefighters come home to US.  WE need to make sure that we are aware of mood changes or behavior changes.  We need to make sure that we are not only aware of the possibility for physical injuries on the job, but also for the psychological impact.  We see their eating and sleeping habits and know what is normal and what is not.  We see when they are not able to interact with the kids like they normally do.  We see when they are spending far too much time with video games.  We see when they are drinking far more than they usually do.  We see it.  We just have to know what to do with what we see.

I can usually see my husband's depression kicking in about a week before he does.  And I have learned what works with helping him snap out of it and what makes it worse.  

Some things to look for (in a handy dandy acronym):

(IS PATH WARM model) - http://lifesafetyinitiatives.com/13/depressionsuicide_summary.pdf 

Ideation/threatened or communicated

Substance abuse/excessive or communicated

Purposeless/no reason for living
Anxiety, agitation, or insomnia
Trapped
Hopelessness

Withdrawal from friends, family, society
Anger (uncontrolled)/ rage/seeking revenge
Recklessness/risky acts-unthinking
Mood changes (dramatic)

And know that you are not alone...

Hug those FFs tight - as they are leaving you and coming back to you after shift.  But also keep an eye out.  Ask how their shift was.  Don't let them shut you out.  You are a part of their lives and you need to fight to stay there - for your firefighters.  Sometimes it will be horrible and the tears will flow.  Sometimes there will be fights that come from this, but be sure you work to retaliate - with love.  Sometimes tough love, but as hard as it is never with anger.  Sometimes that venom cannot be recovered from.  

Please pass this on to the fire families in your life.  You never know when they might be struggling and this is JUST what they need to get through. 

Love and strength to all of our fire families. Especially to the Hot Shot 19...please know you are never alone in this.  Just reach out, someone will grab your hand.

19 won't come home

We are in the middle of our second of three 48s this week. Last year, I would have been a mess - grumpy, stomping and overwhelmed. Two years ago, I wouldn't have been able to function normally - it was more like stumbling through. Three years ago, I could barely fathom what this life would be like. J didn't start the academy until the 26th of this month...it seems like another life ago.

Waking up this morning, alone, to the news that 19 WFFs won't be coming home, breaks my heart. And it puts it all in perspective. 

from National Firefighters Endowment

As I think about these three 48s...and then I think about the WFFs who are gone for weeks and months at a time...and suddenly 2 days is not so bad. He will be home tomorrow.

We all know that there are inherent risks that come with this life. Most of us shove them to the back of our minds. Moments like this make it hard not to think about it.

So, instead, I sent an I love you text to my FF.  And I am crying my tears for these FFs, their families and the FFs fighting that beast, even with their heavy hearts. If you can send prayers up for this community, they need it.  And if anyone from the Granite Mountain scene needs something, please reach out. Prescott FD - our hearts are with you. An email is all that it takes and the fire world will surround you.  It is pretty amazing.

As I am writing this post, I have my FF's wedding ring on my thumb.  I pray that I always have the chance to hand it back to him as he gets off shift.  It makes it easier for some reason if I just keep it with me.  For those wives and families who do not have that opportunity, please know you are not alone.  We have lost 61 firefighters this year.  It seems like every time we turn around, there is another LODD.  The number blows my mind, seeing as we are only half way through 2013.

Say a prayer, send your healing thoughts to these families.  Hug your FF tight when that door opens after shift.  Days like today make it all the sweeter that they are home with us.

Fireman, know that we are so proud of you and love you very much.  I know this is a crazy week - we can't for you to come home to us. 






To the families and department of the "Granite Mountain Hotshots", our love, thoughts and prayers are with you.

Scary Movies

Our plans for last night got cancelled due to the impending, which really stinks because it was the one band I wanted to see in the series this summer. AND, it was something that wold keep the muppets occupied, since my lovely FF pulled and OT shift.  (Thank you, honey!)  Ah well.  I asked some other firewives what their plans were for the evening.  

The lovely Val, founder of FirefighterWife.com and bloggess extraordinaire, and I were chatting.  Her night involved watching scary movies with the kids.  I might have been a touch jealous.  I love scary movies - as long as they scare me.  Cheesy movies, I save for going with a big group and being obnoxious in the theater.  I would LOVE to share experience this with my kids, BUT...

The girls, clearly too young.  My boys - B is just not interested.  N, yeah...he's a real tale.  He LOVES to be scared.  He totally believes ghosts are everywhere.  There are no fakers in the world of ghost hunting as far he he's concerned.  N LOVES Ghost Adventures - that is his perfect Saturday night. 

Except that he then freaks himself out.  

And can't sleep.

He is definitely NOT the right partner for me and my scary movies. 

Me, I was watching Poltergeist and American Werewolf and Amityville Horror when I was 7 - no lie.  The only movie that every freaked me out was The Elephant Man - and that was all because he moved into my closet.  Not my fault.  He had no business being in there, it was crowded enough with all the junk I had stashed in there.  No wonder he came out at night...



So, Cabin in the Woods was my choice...

What did you do during the storms last night??

Isn't it always the way?

My hubby put in for OT today.  It is his PO and he would have loved to have a day just to sleep and be and...anything but be at work.  But, OT is good money and you are given first preference when you have a PO.  So...when he calls and forgets his sunglasses...and you are out and about anyway, you take him what he forgot.  I think it is part of the terms of the contract when he takes OT. But, it has been an easy OT shift.   

From my end, it is kind of nice.  We got to sit, without children climbing on daddy or the rigs and chit chat.  He's in a good mood because for once he is not running his tail off.  

Until of course I get there.  As I said, we sat in the bay...and five minutes into our visit there was a quick kiss good-bye...

I follow them out of the neighborhood.  

Ah well, my muppets were probably going through withdrawl.  I had been gone an entire half an hour, after all.

Polish Water Park

Okay, PC police.  I am not Polish...although my dad did frequently question that...still not PC.  I am very Irish and Danish and Welsh...wrong side of the continent.  BUT, I do live on the southside of the city, which was built on the backs of the Polish Community, including our beautiful Basilica.  

There, now that I got that disclaimer out of the way, let me share.

Do you really need more than a hose and a bucket?

So ADORABLE!

No Rubber Duckies were harmed during the construction of this Polish Water Park!

She's not a big fan of the monster buckets that drop every 15 minutes in the water parks,
but this works just fine.

Such an AWESOME big brother!

RUN!  Let's do it AGAIN!

It is actually a giggling face, I promise!

I have an entire Polish Water Park Pinterest Board.  I think I might need to dip into it soon.

Sometimes it is the simple things

Mass, first time with a/c.  After the million dollar plus renovation, the air is in place and was on.  An the kids complained.  After last summer, I am thankful.  

Breakfast, cinnamon rolls and milk around the island, just me and the muppets.  

Pups chillin' in the backyard, Giovanni was in his hideaway, napping until I opened the window to take a picture.  

Kids are in their swimsuits waiting for the all clear to run through the sprinkler.

Even though the hubby is still working, it is an amazing day.  And there is nothing extraordinary about it.  No Disney World or Sea World.  But, yet there is something magical about this.  

Soon, they will all go their separate ways and we will be a destination, as opposed to a daily part of their lives.

This pic BLEW UP my FB page.
D DOES have a swimsuit on - it is a pink sparkly suit.
I swear she is not streaking in the front yard!

Sometimes it is the simple things that we surround ourselves with.  Sometimes we just have to make our own magic.

Get off your computer.  Go find your FF or your muppets and go make some magic.  They are here, now with you.  Take advantage of it.

I'm preparing for some yelling

My FF's other fire truck

That is SO not what you want to hear as your FF is leaving for shift.  We are about to enter into the insane season.  You know, the time of the year where I kiss my husband good-bye and don't see him for days at a time, or only see him as he is dragging his tired rear end into bed - where he will promptly put on his CPAP and instantly fall asleep, leaving a trail of sweaty, stinky clothes from the door to our bedroom. We have a ton of 48s, most of which are sandwiched by days at the Mile.  I am preparing myself for the insanity.  There is no luxury of sending the kids to school or hiding in my classroom.  I am here with the muppets, alone for a huge portion of the month.  Love them dearly, but they are known to cause insanity.  In fact, that tidbit of scientific knowledge is tattooed on their underarms - surgeon general requirement to have said warning.

Anyway, he left.  I will see him tomorrow evening.  I know I will miss him.

I asked him to be patient with me in the next few weeks and his response was, "I'm preparing for some yelling."

Sucker punch to the stomach.

We don't fight often.  Usually it comes when he is gone - a lot.  Usually it is over mundane things - like cleaning the kids' rooms and/or laundry.  (I hate despise laundry...fyi.  And yet it has turned into solely my chore, leading to some, umm, some resentment perhaps.)  And he says I don't fight fair. <sigh>

I think too fast and he can't come up with a sassy comeback to match mine, so he shuts down.  We have had this discussion soooo many times.

I told him that I was making a conscious effort to NOT snap at him...but he would have to do laundry when he was home.  He agreed, but we'll see.

So, wish me luck. 

Try to stay dry if your weather is anything like ours, laugh with your muppets and smile at your handsome FF, just like you did when you started  dating.  It makes for an enjoyable way to start the day.

My Honey's Labor of Love

Significantly taller than the
commercial.! :)

My FF has been working on the yard for over a month, all for me.  Mother's Day was spent getting the front of the house to look like someone lived here, as opposed to the emptiness that came with us removing the old hedges.  :D  I am SO thrilled with how it has turned out!  We have the perennials planted, the hostas in place, the arbor with the clematis (that I am reminding myself will come back SO beautifully next summer! The Flower Tower is totally stolen from the Home Depot commercial, except I used impatiens in place of petunias - 100 of them!  On the side of the house I have daylilies and hostas that friends have given us when thinning out their gardens.  

A downpour kind of a day in May!
Getting it around to the front
required a furniture mover.

Final placement...

And it is filling in quite nicely if I do say so myself!

Here are a few of the other updated pictures...I am so pleased with the progress we have made.  And so proud of my FF being able to make my vision come to life!

I ALWAYS have a red, white and blue petunia bed with my Eiffel Tower.  So exciting!

My FF HAD to have this arbor...I was indifferent.
But I think it really completes the look nicely.

Reclaimed street pavers from the early 20th Century.

My perennials are coming in oh so nicely.
I should have turned on the fountain when taking the pictures...

O's Grasshead...or one of them.

St. Anthony...as often as I lose my keys, my phone...
my mind...

 And then there was the week long process of getting our patio in place.  

It was a family affair.  N was helping Daddy
load up the retaining wall blocks that were
going to be used for the border.

My FF and his BC busting up the back porch
and  walkway...

A FF, a Lt. and BC walk into a Home Depot...

This was a mess!

It has to go somewhere...

If you look carefully on the "Concrete Only" dumpster,
the sign on the right states that NO concrete can be tossed in here.
So...we called "Gravel Making Materials"

Where else does a big white fluffy dog lay, during all of this?
In the big pile of brown dirt, of course!

The trench is dug...

Poor Daddy, trying to get the traffic bond in place.

The girls' Zen Garden...

After being on our hands and knees with the PaverLink. 

And the pay off - but Daddy was on shift, so I was lazy.
Tombstone it is!

Thanks for taking in my summer vacation slide show, here.  I know there were a million bazillion pictures.  But, I have to brag, because he did it all for me. It truly is a labor of love!

Love those muppets, work on keeping your marriage FireStrong and yourself an amazing wife.  Happy Humpday!