A Time to Bite Your Tongue

...and a time to not.

I tend to stay out political discussions on this blog, as well as theological debates.  I have found that my views don't always sit well.  It often comes to a point where it causes a rift and I am truly trying to make my life about building bridges, regardless of where others stand on the other side.  

The Easter before last, my opinions and focus on social justice were formally called into question and I began to question where I stood.  Was I standing in the right side? Was I just causing another rift?  What direction should I be heading?  Not always a bad thing.  Questioning where you stand on thing, that is.  It is a healthy reflection, even if it is a bit uncomfortable.  I was in physical pain and a bit of a spiritual crossroads.  A new pope had JUST been chosen, the year of faith was well underway, my purple cast was a visual sign of the Lenten reflection that I was silently going through.  And then I got to mass.

Fr. Alejandro, my favorite Cuban Franciscan (who sadly will be assigned to an Australian parish this fall) focused his homily on this very topic.  Talk about a spiritual neon billboard!  His message was, yes, this is a year of faith, but perhaps we are too busy talking and verbally evangelizing.  What if instead of talking about what it right,  we just do what is right.  What if instead of passing judgement based on the rules, we focus on the one rule that reminds us to love.  Unconditionally, even if it is not warranted.  Now, understand, he calls himself Fr. Feelgood and I smile every time he refers to himself with such a title.  He clearly has a tendency to such dogma.  But, every single time, it makes me feel as though he is indeed speaking to me. 

From that moment, Pope Francis has only reinforced that in my head.  To which I fail, miserably.  All the time.  Kids drive me crazy and I snipe.  I question parents' parenting values.  I think things in my head that are less than loving.  Realize, I am not saying that I have mastered this, by any stretch of the imagination.  I suck at, truthfully.  But, it is the direction that I am moving toward, even if I get lost because Droid Siri doesn't like monsoon-like storms and I lose my way. (Real life reference that  I will save for another day.)  Imagine what the world would be like if we could remind ourselves of that 5 times a day.

Instead of hating, judging, condemning, whatever, changes need to be made.  What if instead we asked, "How can I help?"  Instead of passing judgement because people aren't doing what we feel to be prudent or reasonable we sit and talk.  You might be amazed at what people will share with you.  Do I need to work on this, duh. Yah.  More than you know.  

Our city is seeing kids shot far too regularly.  Our news talks about it, but realize it occurs far more than the news reports. We have amazing Meds and ED staff.  They have become amazingly skilled at keeping GSWs from becoming fatalities.  How many gang members do you talk to about their gang affiliation and they talk about that is not their gang, it is their family you are referring to.  WHAT DOES THAT SCREAM TO YOU??  These kids that we are judging and condemning as gang bangers are looking for love and acceptance.  The unquestioning, unending kind of love that families should provide.  

One of my fave quotes of all time.

J is sleeping off a LLLOOOOONNNNGGG night.  Insanity, much of it drug related.  How many heroin and meth overdoses does he see?  Far too many.  We all know that.  BUT WHY?  Why do people turn to drugs?  How often is it because reality if far too painful to take?  Physically and emotionally.  It is easier to escape the pain through drugs, than it is to actually face it or to fight it another day.  So much is personal choice.  I am not debating that.  But, what if they knew that there was a whole WORLD standing in their corner.  How many people would choose to send a text for help or support knowing that someone would answer it?  How many parents feel their hands are tied because they can't reach their kids?  How many spouses see the loves of their lives vanish into an addiction, but for fear and shame don't reach out for help?  How many kids have built walls because alcohol has drown their parents and they can't do it another time, they can't excuse the hateful comments that come from the V.O. and not the parental unit?  How many lives are taken because the world has told them they should not feel the way they do, look the way they do? How much anger is the immigration debate bringing out - the HATEFUL spewings remind be of the images taught in my Civil Rights unit. All of this easier  It is easier than facing judgement another day or living in fear of what change might bring.  What if we looked at the world through the lens love and compassion instead of fear and hate?  What if instead of putting ourselves up on a pedestal, telling the world how our way is the right way, we just did what we would hope someone would do for us?

Sorry for such a serious Weekend post, I am sleep deprived and had way too much time to think. However, perhaps we need to spend more time thinking, of  how we can make this world a better place, without passing judgement.  Instead of focusing on what we that makes us different, focus on our humanity that brings us all together.  Instead of focusing on who someone might love, focus on just being loving.  Instead of talking about what we don't like, focus on what is amazing and build up from there. At some point we have to make a decision to make this a better place as opposed to what we think is right or fair.  Cycles are perpetuating hate and anger and hunger and fear.  We must find away to break this spiraling pathways to hate or things will only get worse. The pursuit of happiness will become more of a myth of a bygone era. 

A Day of Backhanded Compliments

Sometimes, in my world, there are days where I struggle to figure out why I am still in education.  I am working to bring the subtle nuances of the 95 Theses to life.  The fact that Luther was trying to reach out and make his Church a better place and instead he found himself a  heretic and an outlaw (and a jerkface), surrounded by princes ready to throw off the suppression of the Church that apparently surrounded them.  My kids can't read at a level to understand this information, much less pick up those subtleties, so I must bring it to life through the shenanigans of my direct instruction. From there, they can build upon it for the project for that unit.  I am focusing on the past and trying to bring the world of the written word to their present.  And some days I realize that there is so much more than writing a proper essay, learning to annotate the articles that I am giving them each class to allow them to practice this reading thing.  Some days, I realize that I have to change my expectations for success.  

And today, I think I saw that success.  I think I saw the reasons why I am still here.  

It was a day of very back handed compliments.  In this day and age of John Q. Public telling me that I am lazy because I only work 10 months out of the year or until 3:45pm...nevermind that I left closer to 6pm as did many of my coworkers (but that is a detail that the Publics seem to miss out on). 

Anyway,  the first in this list of weird praise, was from a student known as Chicken. 

I have never heard of him, noticed him or truly realized how funny my kids are about their "government names".  And there he was. All of the sudden he was in my room...my class o' repeater freshmen in my sophomore history class.  Chicken was in shock that my class was so quiet AND full of kids.  He walked, spilled some surprised terms of shock because my kids were in my class and working into out sanctuary of learning.  "You must be da best teacher in dis building.  I ain't never seen such a good class in this whole ____building.  You da bomb diggity b---- of all dese teachers. Carry on." And just like that this phantom student was gone.  I have no idea who he is. He prompted quite a bit of conversation after he left and back we went to the burning of Wycliffe and the Council of Constance.  

Makes for a good story.

A boy in that same class came to me in tears- while I am trying to make it through this lesson.  He probably won't be back.  His PO was upset with him, and like usual in these discussions, he had no idea why.  His original arrest was nothing to be sneezed at, strong armed robbery.  But here, in front of me was the kid, no longer a hard nose thug wanna be, scared to death, coming to me.  That goes beyond my academics and brings me into their world.  We'll see if he is there tomorrow. This is the world they live in. I need to remember that.

However, the best conversation of that class did not involve Chicken or his government name or a kid's need for support while he was scared to death. It was from one of the few non-repeaters in that class,  who has decided that I am now her mom.  Clearly, I have four kids, I truly have no need for more.  But, when a student looks at you and informs you that you handle things like a TV mom...and by the way, is it okay if one more kid calls me mom...it makes your heart melt.  Take that Phylicia Rashad!  I am the real TV mom here.

Norman Rockwell has nothing on my classroom.

From there you get to lunch, working with one of my moms-to-be.  Collaborative Planning where you never know what might happen when you have a group of social studies teachers together and finally, you arrive at my Psych class.  We are just talking about the brain.  Not necessarily the most exciting.  But, you have to make it happen, you make it creative.  You should see me - my song and dance.  Out of now where, one of my sleepy heads was wide awake and involved.  Weird! There are med issues that make it impossible for him to stay awake through the last class of the day.  Today, there he was.  It made my day.  

I think we were talking about epinephrine and nor epinephrine and how they differ...he raised his hand.  "H____, do you practice this stuff at home?"  I looked and him and snickered a bit under my breath (Shah, with all that laundry sitting in my living room...clearly I have enough time to rehearse), before I asked what in the world he was referring to.  "You are a fun teacher to listen to. I thought that teachers like that were only in the movies."  It made us all enjoy the afternoon.  Bad Teacher (which I have yet to see) references were flung around, thanks to my husband's last name and jokes went from there. I am a clown.  I put on a show,  and apparently it is worth it.

My afternoon was wrapped up with my boys at Chess practice, my girls watching Frozen on my whiteboard, while my hubby and I quietly discussed where to send our oldest next year...with more of my kids working on their tests.  And the conversations in that room, reminded me that I am so much more than a teacher.

Today reminded me that we are here for than Common Core and improved MAP scores and increased attendance and decreased tardies.  

We are here to be the bringers of change - even when people are shocked.  We are here to be confidants for kids who feel they have no one to turn to...no one who will judge them and just BE there, even when everyone else is judging them.  We are here to be parents, even when the kids have some at home - or don't.  We are here to be entertainers, some of them will never see live vaudevillian type action. 

We are so much more than what the world realizes.  I need to embrace that.  We as educators, especially urban educators, need to embrace that.  You as the community need to embrace that as well.  It takes a village to raise a child, sometimes we just wear 15 hats at once.  And that is what you do.  

We are more than those test scores.  We are more than the data shows.  If we were teaching robots, that would be different.  We are teaching kids - and we start where they are and we build up from there.  Judge us, blame us for what you will.  However, might I suggest you walk a mile in our shoes.  Volunteer in your local high school.  Get to know us as teachers.  Get to know our kids.  They are broken and bruised.  They are also beautiful and inspiring.  We cannot control where they have been, only take them by the hand a lead them from there.

Please realize we come in early and we stay late. We work through lunch and on our time after school and after we put our muppets to bed.

I will take these backhanded compliments that I got today.  It helps to get through the days where nothing goes right and no one can see that you are busting your arse to make the world better simply because you are in it.

Enjoy your Friday.  Check on those FFs.  Be comfortable with where you fit in this puzzle we call life.  Someone will always think they fit better in your spot, but know that no one can take that from you. 

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child

Call it a cliché or call it a Proverb.  I call it a truth.  We cannot raise a child without others.  Some days it feels like we are in it all on our own.  As FireWives it is when the 48s seem to be never ending and 2 have projects due tomorrow and the other 2 just are projecting - be it their voices (at their siblings) or their toys (at the dogs) or vomit (all over the table).  As parents we often thing our kids are only ones to have ever gone through this. The baby won't stop crying.  The toddler throws a fit in the store when told no. As a community, too often we feel it is not our job.


But it is.


We are responsible for the future, and that future is in our kids.  And they are just that - OUR kids.


I often confuse people.  Well, aside from the usual, I confuse them when I talk about "my kids".  I have gotten into the habit of calling my students "my kids", because they are indeed my kids.  I have kids to this day, who call me Mom.  And that is just how it is.  So, when you hear me talk about my kids and it doesn't make sense, ask me which ones.  I have tried to get in the habit of saying, "my kids at school" but sometimes the idea comes out before the clarification.


This is also why I get up on my soap box about the infant mortality crisis we have here in Milwaukee.  They are OUR kids.  Not their kids.  We need to work with the families in our communities  to do what is right by OUR kids.  Keeping the safe, making sure they are fed and making sure that they are all appropriately educated.  That is OUR job.  These are the kids who will be OUR doctors, OUR lawyers, OUR leaders.  And if we lead by example - one of kindness, compassion as well as logical and thoughtful - they will learn develop those traits. 


They are ALL our kids.


One of the classes we teach in my department is Morality. Probably my favorite class to teach, aside from my history class.  I know that we are a Catholic institution and I not necessarily focusing on morality pertaining to SIN per se, but what makes a GOOD person.  Just imagine if it was something that was focused on in every home, with every family and every child.  Kindness, compassion, humility, patience, justice, charity, honesty...just think.  Our kids emulate what they see.  If our superstars did what was right because they should, instead of whatever they want - to the point of excess, because they can, imagine how our kids would react.

Our Guidance counselor Mark, used one of these YEARS ago when we were discussing this idea.
Makes me miss Grand Avenue...

So, think about this today when you see kids in the neighborhood, with no one to play with.  Or you see a mom struggling in the store.  Or your family welcomes a new little one.  We - parents, teachers, police officers, firefighters, superstars, librarians, pastors and priests, aunts and uncles, waitstaff, doctors and nurses, neighbors and friends - are all responsible for who they will become.  Just IMAGINE the possibilities.