Revisiting "The Notebook"

I have had a few FFWs reach out to me about a post I wrote  for firefighterwife.com in 2013.

It was probably the hardest and most emotional post I have written.

Revisiting it, that hasn't changed. I haven't looked at it beyond packing it up for the move, in over a year. I guess it was time to take a look, again.

That Knock on the Door – LODD Preparation for a Firefighter Wife

Knowing that I will be a total and complete disaster, I have made a list.  My Secret List.  I have it in a ordinary notebook on my dressing table.  It is not pretty.  It looks like it could be my kids’.  I don’t share it.  I don’t talk about it.  My hands shake whenever I pull it out.  My FF knows I have it, but does not know what it looks like. It has some links and some notes.  My list comes from questions that I have asked him – sometimes on the sly and sometimes rather blatant.

A composition notebook that could be in any backpack in the world…

but, it is my secret notebook.

It has print outs from the local and from the IAFF.  It has spots for scripture passages, pall bearers and speakers.  I have the contact information for the cemetery – luckily we already have a place in a family plot.  I know that the department will take care of much of the details for me when it comes to the actual service, but there is so much we don’t ever think about.

So, without all of the specifics of my notebook, simply because I will never make it through this post with all of the tears, here are some links and lists I have to work from.

The first page I have written – BREATHE and CRY AS MUCH AS YOU NEED. In big bold letters.  I need to give myself that permission rather than try to play the stoic statue.  I need that permission.  You might too, or perhaps you are comfortable enough, but here’s where you put anything that will help you get through that initial shock.

The next page is a list of numbers and people I want each person to call for me, so that I don’t have to rehash the loss verbally quite so much.  His parents – with all of their numbers, with a note for them to call their family and friends.  My parents – with a note to call each of their perspective families.

I also have the kids’ school numbers there.  I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that would be – trying to manage my grief while breaking such heartbreaking news and watching their world crumble in an instant.  But I digress…

The next number is my firefighter wife next door – cell and work, and her Lt’s number – again, even though he would probably already know.  Chances are, since our FFs work the same shift, she would probably be right there when I got the news.  She would see that department SUV pull up, but just in case, I have them readily accessible.

I also have a few firefighter wives that are not local, but are on this list as well.

I have his partner’s number and his Battalion Chief’s cell number and the Union President’s number and email.  Again, they would all know what happened (probably before me), but if I have a question or  need help with something, I don’t have to search to try and find them.

I have two funeral homes – one close to the Basilica and one my family has used forever – their numbers and a contact person at each.  I also have the number for our parish with this list, with the extension for each of the priests.  The Basilica is a most beautiful place to say good-bye.

The cemetery – their fax number and phone number – made it to my list.

Make this list your own.  Be sure you have a go to person.  One who can take calls when you can’t. One who can organize meals for your family and help spread information.  You might want to make them your number one call just so you have someone to lean on.

I have an entire packet from our IAFF Local printed out and highlighted/marked up.

If needed, call (866) 736-5868 to request help from the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation’s Local Assistance State Team (LAST).

No matter what, you are never alone!

Funeral and Burial Plans
This is probably the hardest part of my notebook to discuss – mainly because I have asked him some of these questions and others are just too painful.  I have asked what scripture passages he wants (to which he shrugged his shoulders and so I have put some ideas of my own in to share with the priests) and music.  One of the songs we sang at a friend’s father’s funeral in college, and so it breaks my heart every time I hear it, is one he would like.  Mental note to myself – get a copy of the sheet music.

Class As – if your firefighter does not have one for burial purpose’s Lighthouse Uniform will provide one for free for Fallen FFs.  If you have a local uniform distributor, check with them.  Local is always easier during these hard times.

Wedding ring – I wear his ring a third of the time.  It is important to me.  I will have his wedding ring on his hand for the services, but I will ask to have it removed before burial.  I have a plain titanium ring that I bought him for work – which he doesn’t wear – that I will probably replace it with.  It is important to me that he have a ring with him when we part ways in this world.

Burial – I have a folder of pictures that I will have printed out for his casket.  If I don’t send him into a fire without pictures of us with him in his helmet, how I can I send him on to the next life without them.  This set of pictures is constantly changing.  I have a note in my notebook with their location, but it is not on my laptop to keep my husband shielded from them.

I also want to make sure he his buried with his St. Florian’s Medal and his half of our Mizpah coin. When I touch my half of the coin while he is on shift, it reminds me to say a prayer that he stays safe. When we are separated by death, it will continue to remind me to say a prayer.

A BIGGER question for burial is does he want to be buried?  Would he prefer cremation?  We have one plot.  I will be cremated and under the headstone.  He will be buried.  Not easy questions and oh so awkward to even bring up.  But, easier to know ahead of time.

Music – Speak with your FF, does he have a hymn that he has loved since he was a child.  My husband and I met in our college choir and we did many pieces of sacred music that we fell in love with.  Just as an example I have John Rutter’s The Lord is My Shepherd  and Franz Biebel’s Ave Maria included in my list.  No celebration of my husband’s life could be complete without these pieces that were such a big piece of his life.  But, this also means you need to make arrangements with your church, parish or funeral home for musicians if they are not in your close circle of friends.

Keep that in mind, also.

Readings – If you are at a loss for readings, there are several funeral planning guides out there for the general public.  I have the Memphis Diocese’s Planning a Catholic Funeral bookmarked and I looked at a United Church of Christ guide, but there are so many others.  Don’t feel you HAVE to be this specific.  Your spiritual leader has done this many many times and will be of great assistance to you in your time of need.  I just know that I am a control freak who will be out of control.  I will need this much detail to feel quasi-comfortable.  As with all of this information, do what works best for YOU.

This is just my plan.  Feel free to use it as a starting point, but it does not have to be a replica for your plan.

Readers and speakers – I have not yet asked him about this.  Who do you want to speak?  It can be a joint decision or just leave it up to him or have people in mind should the need arise.  Make a note and be sure to add their phone numbers to your phone list.

Photographer – I would like one.  The images might be more than the kids and I can take at that moment in time, but they will eventually be a beautiful reminder of a beautiful service commemorating a beautiful life.  Your department might just provide one. PLEASE be sure to check with you church or parish BEFORE the service.  Many are okay with photographers as long as no flash is used, but you want to be certain.

Pall Bearers – Another list of people I have not been able to ask him about.  Does he want our oldest son, both boys or none of the above?  Only if they are adults? Only FFs or family as well?  I am sure there is a protocol for an LODD, but I want to make sure that I have his input.

Badges – When my FF retires, he wants to give each of our muppets (our nickname for our lovely children) a set of replica badges – one of each level he achieved in the department.  For my funeral plan section, I thought it would be a nice touch to give each of the Muppets a replica of his current badge, as well as a mini shield key ring  from his current helmet shield.

ME – I have a note to make sure someone makes appointments for me to get my hair and make-up done.  I am not going to be able to stop crying long enough to put on mascara, so I am hoping someone else doing it will be enough of a distraction that we can get through that part.

Paperwork
I have taken the section of the Survivor’s guide that provides a Contact Form (p. 15) and printed out several copies of that.  You need to know who you are talking to, about what and when.  This just makes it so much easier to recall.  You are going to be calling sooooo many people.

Along with these, you will need death certificates.  The  guide suggests that you get 20, I have a note to get 25.  It is cheaper to get them en masse than it is to order a few more at a later time.  Make a list of all the places  that will require this – banks, insurance, etc.  And then order extras.

This is such a personal issue, please read through this section of the guide carefully.  It does indeed vary by where you are in life.  Make sure to research what benefits you are entitled to, through your department, state and the federal government.  There are many scholarship opportunities for children of firefighters who gave all, please take advantage of them.

One Last Thing…

The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone.  No matter how you feel like you are on a desolate island, all by yourself, you are never alone. Your family, your department and firewives from around the world are here to lean on.  Please be sure you reach out any of these resources, even if you only need to hear that things will be okay.

Don’t let this overwhelm you.  Don’t try and plan this all in one day.  Take to your firefighter and your family.  Simply know that there is a reference that is available for you in your time of need.
Love those firefighters like there is no tomorrow.  Don’t waste a single minute.

From Firefighterwife.com

So, some of the things I have added in here since I wrote this post, nearly three years ago...

• I bought him a Thin Red Line Qalo ring earlier this winter. I want to make sure that he is buried in that ring after we switch out the diamond ring. I want that small part of me to stay with him. If that ring is damaged, I have the company's number in case I need to replace it.
• Now that he is on the TEMS team, I would like his TEMS gear there and I will request that their SUV be in the procession behind his Engine.

• Marriage License - I am SO slacking on this one! When we got married, we never got a copy of our license. We he came on the job in 2010, we needed to get a copy so that I could be carried on his insurance. And I never thought to get a second or third copy. I need to get that and get it in my Notebook. I have one of our wedding pictures in there to attempt to remind me to head up to that courthouse.

• Prayer Cards - I have to talk to him about that...as I sit with another FF's prayer card on my dresser.
• Music that he has mentioned in the last few years has been added, along with specific readings.
• Phone numbers - They change more frequently than you would think. I just made sure that I updated them, several of them were out of date.
• Our oldest - He is active in our Explorers program. He is planning on following in his father's footsteps. If he is a cadet or on the job, that had a whole other dynamic to this discussion - for both of them.

Please don't be afraid to reach out if there is anything with this you'd like to talk about. If you have ideas for what should be added, please let me know. I know there is probably more. Make this work for you.

Have a good day. Have the tough talk. Reach out to those around you. Kiss that firefighter.

Peace. 

Making a House a Home, Again

I feel like a military family. Like we are always moving. I think we may have finally found our forever home. I won't bore you with the details, but it was an insane, unexpected turn of events. It happened very quickly and my husband is now on top of the world.

All of which is good. 

He LOVES the house. We finally have enough room to have all our family over and not feel like we are on top of each other.

We have a family room and a living room. We have a game room - in process. We have a two car garage and a real fireplace.  We have a legit dining room. Not a living room we turned into a dining room. Not a heated breezeway that we put our china cabinet in. Not a bedroom that we opted to use instead of jamming into a tiny kitchen. A real life dining room. All so good. We have a 2nd FULL bathroom, which we have never had before. We have an amazing fenced in yard and entire neighborhood of truly amazing people. The kids LOVE this house, even though they are still sharing rooms. I have my own office, in the most amazing of purples.

But I am not feeling like I am at home, yet.

I don't completely relax when I come home. My shoes are not unpacked, yet. I know - first world problem for sure. My closet still has the clothes just tossed in there. I hate the color of my bedroom - but he liked it, so we had to give it a try. I HATE IT. Dungeony and dreary and belch. So, now I have to find a day to paint. The carpeting was horribly stained and needs to come out - in the living room/dining room and game room carpeting smells like you would not believe. I know these are all minor. I will get my hardwood and laminate. I know  that. But I am letting all of these things get in the way of making this a home for us.

I just need to let me self relax and accept it as home. I will get my bathroom unpacked, some day. I will find my shoes and organize my closet, over Christmas break. I will have the rest of my life to make it my own. I will. I started with our menu board. It is my mark on this kitchen. It ties our family to this house and forces us to stop unpacking and running around so we can eat together.

I hoped that the Halloween decorations would pull me in. They definitely pulled the neighbors in, all so very nice. But I felt like I was decorating a store front. 

I wish I had the answer. Maybe the Christmas trees going up will light up my heart. Maybe it will just take time. Maybe it is just that all of the work obligations I have found myself carrying around are just not allowing me to love it like the rest of the crew. Maybe it is just some combination thereof.

Anyway, after all my grumping, here's my favorite room of the house. I can't wait to have a fire in it. I can't wait to get the tree up in here.  I can't wait to enjoy it.

I need to take a new picture without the 2nd TV in there and with all the turn of the
century canvases up!

Context of the TIme

Image: FoxNews

As I tried to watch the debates last night, I finally had to concede defeat. Not because of pandering or disagreement with any one of the speakers. Not because I had a ton to do. Nope, it was simply because my polar bears did not like the sound of the 'Time's Up' ding dong thingy.  The barking session would last 3-4 minutes...and mind you, I was up in my bedroom so the boys could watch TV down in the family room (since the game room is really not ready). You know, the bedroom that shares a wall with the sleeping girls' bedroom.

So, I have it DVR'd. But, sadly, I am rarely without a dog. AND I doubt I will have time to sit down and watch it before it becomes irrelevant.

And so I move on.

Image: Breitbart.com

These debates were held here. Literally 12 minutes from my house. We got to see the Trumpo Jet pull in to the airport and the media circus taking images of itself. 

I was thankful the FireMan was not on shift. 

I have no idea if their services were warranted through any of this, but I was grateful to not have to worry about it, with him helping my boys get some stuff put away in the garage we are digging out. (I still hate moving!)

I fell asleep to a very Trump heavy, politically filled SNL episode from the weekend.

And life was good.

Until this morning, when I saw the flag burning pictures and free speech rhetoric. The veiled and not so veiled racism was abhorrent. And the history teacher in my wept.

Some things that I need to clarify...and I do this with the right to bear arms as well. BUT, I am going to focus on the Freedom of Speech tidbits, I keep reading/hearing.

First Amendment - Religion and Expression. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Some things to notice - it does not say Freedom of Expression, that has become our interpretation of this amendment. 

Notice, it does not say that you have the right to break other laws while you express yourself. (Insert Madonna earworm here.)  This is a FIREWIFE's blog - YOU CAN'T BURN ANYTHING IN PUBLIC PLACES AND HAVE IT BE OKAY!  All materials being burned need to be in the proper receptacles and NOT in public thoroughfares. 

It also may be legal to burn a flag, but that does not mean it is not a jerkface move. 

There are many things that you CAN do, but that doesn't make it right or nice or good or non-jerkface to do them. It just means that you can't be cited or jailed for being that jerk.  But, burning the flag (or anything, really) in the middle of the public street while there are a ton of people in that general vicinity for an NBA game, the presidential debates and general downtown businesses is really not legal, safe, smart...you get the idea.

So, instead of me focusing on the jerkface who decided to break the law while invoking amendments in the most convenient context of our time, I am going to focus on MPD. Kudos to Milwaukee Police Department, you made this city and this FireWife proud in your handling of said flag.  Media reported tear gas, it was actually extinguishers. People of Milwaukee should be proud. I know I am. 

Jedidiah Thompson, Jutiki X and Joel Rossman - thank you and be safe!

 There are more images that can be seen at jsonline, as well.  

So, morale of the story, legal does not equal right. And, if you are going to tell me that the Constitution guarantees you the Freedom of Expression, be able to defend that statement. AND, finally, don't break the law and get upset when the police arrest you for it and yammer about they are infringing on you Constitutional rights...because breaking the law is not protected.

Okay, I need to stop...now I am tired and about to start preaching on other topics as tangents pop into my head.

Be safe. Come home. Hug your family.

Dreams take Work

Anything worth having is worth working for. Right? No matter the fatigue factor or the exhaustion. No matter the stress or the time. If it is worth it.

As we move AGAIN and into our final, forever home, I am reminding myself of this. It is FINALLY in the neighborhood we have been looking at for YEARS. It is FINALLY large enough for our big family. It was totally unexpected, totally not where we were going with things, but totally PERFECT for us. And so it is worth it.

I am hoping to make our 2600 sq. ft. storage unit look like a home soon. I found my makeup this morning - first world issue for sure. But that allowed some comfort. I don't know where my comforter and sheets are, but I will find them before the cold sets in. There is an extra refrigerator in the middle of my kitchen, as we work to make room for one down in the game room that is currently full of boxes. I am hoping to make that space become usable soon. I am hoping to find stuff soon.

I am hoping to be able to wash clothes soon. We just bought an AMAZING new washer dryer set. LOVELY. 9.0 cu. ft. gas dryer...in my all electric house. Sigh...so we ran to Sears...and bought a new electric dryer for my all electric house...because that expensive new dryer is cheaper than busting up the concrete slab that the laundry room sits on to make that happen. SO...if you need a gas dryer - that I would never have gotten rid of...hit me up.

I am hoping to be able to enjoy life, most of all. I am reminding myself, that this time of work and stress and headaches, will be worth it when my whole family can sit at the same table, in the same room for Thanksgiving. It will be worth it when there is space for my kids to come home with their families and spend the night. It will be worth when I am the grandma and I can steal all of my grandkids for the weekend and they can all stay with me.

It is so worth it.

Sleep can wait. Grey's can wait. Grading can...oh wait. Sigh, still need to do that. I love this house. Now, I need to find it beneath all the boxes and tubs.  It is there, our home, somewhere. I'll do a tour for you soon. Who knows, maybe, I'll give you the box tour tonight. ;)

Happy Wednesday!

Marriage and the Fire Service

When your spouse is a firefighter, you find yourself married to the fire service as well.  At a bare minimum, you are indeed married to their schedule.  Sometimes you are married to their crew as well, because they are indeed his other family.

This week has been an especially crazy week.  I had an IEP that took me out of 3 classes, I covered 2 other days during my prep hour.  I had a meeting with our community leaders regarding a HUGE community service project we are launching through my classes, in partnership with UWM and several community organizations.  And then there is chess and judo and the auxiliary meeting that I couldn't keep my eyes opne long enough to go to.  I also have to analyze data to find out why I am failing to meet the needs of  my children at work, which is stressful in and of itself.  We don't have a PO or Vacation day to come for weeks, yet.  The laundry is mounding, the dogs are missing their people and acting like wild animals and I can't sleep at night.

How does this all come back to the fire service?

Yesterday the agreement was that J would come up to my room when dropping the boys off for the chess meet at our school to grab some stuff (Which, btw, both boys did an AMAZING job with.  B won his match in like 15 moves and N found himself down very early on and FOUGHT his way back to a win after a near 2 hour match!)  He called me and said, "Meet me downstairs and bring your jacket."  

Mysterious.

I grumbled as I pulled myself away from my data, which was telling me that I was SUCH a horrible teacher.  Grumbled as I walked down to where his car was.  Greeted my boys and tossed them my classroom keys to stash their jackets and grumbled some more as I climbed through a snow bank to get over to the passenger side of the car.  

9 kids that are reading at or above level...sigh

He smiled oh so sweetly and brightly at my gnashing of teeth and said, "We're going to our bar and having dinner with the girls."  And I grumbled some more.

Until I realized that I was not going to be able to really see him for a bit.  We were definitely on a course for ships passing in the night. We would be parting ways after dinner so he could take the girls to judo.  I would most be drooling on myself upon their arrival back at the domicile.  I would get up and go to work in the morning.  Rush home and take all the kids to the family dance at their school (which my lovely FF has absolved me of!!  SO SWEET!).  Clean up after the dance because B is on the committee running it.  Toss everyone in the shower and into the PJs (The wiggly bodies, probably still a bit damp.) And then Saturday he is back on shift and I have a morning of swimming lessons and an afternoon of birthday parties.

This was our one shot.  

So we talked and laughed and ate the yummiest bar food ever.  

And then I kissed him goodbye when he dropped me back off.  Came up to my room of chess geeks and gnashed my teeth at the data...putting it away while they all told me about their matches and eagerly awaited the updates on N's match.

It was the needed interruption for my sanity.

The fire service rules your life.  Embrace it or don't, it will always be looming there, ready to steal family time from you.  So, you need to make family time where you can.  Even if it is with only half of your kids...having dinner at a local bar...for an hour.  We were together.  With this schedule and the kids' active lives, sometimes it seems as though we clearly don't get enough time.  So we need to take what we can get.

wow...amazing what 18mos. does!

I Am Not Naked Anymore!

Okay, that sounds bad!  That sounds really bad.  I swear, I am not a streaker!  But, I did get my wedding ring back!

I have been without it in March.  After I broke my ankle, the snow did not stop.  Wet dogs defrosting make for slippery floors.  Crutches don't really care for wet floors and rather than putting my foot down, I threw my crutch down and stopped myself with my hand - jamming my finger pretty good.  That led to a swollen finger and dangit - I couldn't get my ring off.

My FFW next door is an ICU nurse and has a trick with lotion, silk thread and some faith, trust and pixie dust.  Unfortunately, she was not home.

And of  course it was a shift day.

So, after my finger started to turn blue, I took my broken self to the Park and asked the truck Captain if he would cut my ring off.

They all felt horrible...and so did I. 

It took forever because there are 4 bands and I thanked them as the tones went off and  they scurried out of the firehouse.  And cried all the way home.  I took them donuts in the morning because I was so thankful to still have my big, fat, swollen finger.

And it has been forever it seems since that day.

I took my ring into several places and the estimates for all around $500.  Which isn't that much, but it really is.  It could go for so many other things like, groceries, birthday and Christmas gifts, car repairs.  <sigh>

I looked into redesigning event, but there was no way I could pull the trigger.

And then my FF looked into the place where I got my diamond upgraded.
  
Now, I have not been back to that store in years, it was an odd separation. I broke up a fight at work and my main stone was the biggest casualty of that fight - snapped it right off the ring, platinum setting and all.  I searched the halls and  begged the janitors to keep their eyes open - all to no avail.  The  jewelers replaced it and  life went on.

And then, in the next fall, I pulled out my sweaters and there it was - snagged on the sweater I must have been wearing that day.  So, what do you do?  You have this big diamond, that you won't have spare change for again...for QUITE some time. I had two other diamonds for an anniversary ring, it could work. Well, we took  it into the jeweler... and returned it.  Like fine upstanding citizens. Our regular salesperson was not there, so we worked with whomever was there. And we were treated like crap.  "Why did you actually return this?"  WOW!  We thought we doing what was right, what we SHOULD be doing and this is how you treat us??  I was shocked!  And I have  never walked back in.

Well, my hubby was obviously tired of me looking at my hand, longingly and for Christmas, he had it fixed for me - at the same store we walked out of all those years ago.  My FF explained the situation and they had it in their records, saying  that NEVER happens.  And they were going to make it right.

Tonight, he called me and said that my ring was in.  All I needed was the claim slip...which was in his wallet... at the firehouse.  And tomorrow we have Christmas with my FF's family.  Well, I waited this long, what's few more days.

Yeah, right.  You all know me better than that.  We called and I was able to pick it up with just my driver's license. Away I went.

And here I am blogging about it.  Oh, so happy to not be nekkid anymore.

Now, the real question is - are you guys ready for me to be back?  Three posts in three days!  I don't know. 

I am Truly Humbled

I am truly hunbled by the fire family.

They never cease to amaze me.

The fire service tells you at orientation that it is a family, a brotherhood, that they take care of their own when the need arises.  Whether it be through personal tragedies or loss in the line of duty, it makes no difference.  They are there for one of their own.

I have seen this first hand - all for the need of books.

Earlier this month, I put out a plea for help.  I developed a DonorsChoose.org project in order to fill the void of our over stretched budget.  I simply wanted to see if they would help me spread the word that there was a need for books - written at an age appropriate level AND an appropriate reading level.  That is a bit of a challenge given how many of my kids are nearing adulthood and still struggling.  Graphic Novels were my answer.  I was truly hoping that my social media contacts are wide reaching and I was hoping they would help me spread the word and perhaps a wealthy philanthropist - Oprah, Bill Gates, etc - would sweep in, take pity and help build my department library.

Instead it was the fire community that took the charge and was first on scene.  My fire wives led the charge.  They spread the word on Facebook and donated from their hearts.  My first nine benefactors were firewives.  I was literally moved to tears and cannot begin to put my emotions to words.  Some FFWs rallied their friends and families to help out.  They were there for me.  Some were virtual strangers and some I have been blessed to meet in person.  They are my sisters in fire and were there for me from the word GO!

A little closer to home, one of our local Lts. took it upon himself to see what he could do.  At first, he thought a week should cover it, but has now found that it to be a bit more challenging than he expected.  None-the-less, when I stopped at  the firehouse to drop something off to my FF, I had a package waiting for me. (Poor jealous fireman - I get mail at the firehouse all the time and he does not.)  I got my first two graphic biographies from my favorite Lt. - an absolutely wonderful addition to our library.  My heart was humbled (there that is again - no other word really covers it) and at the same time, filled with pride.  These are indeed my people. They make sure our city's kids have coats for the winter and books in their classrooms.

Donations have continued to come in from Facebook.  My family, Facebook friends (even those I made through Sorority Life, who'd a thunk it!) and real life friends have made this come to life.

My heart...

I truly have no words. And I am not often speechless.  

In two weeks time, my friends and family have helped my raise over $1250.  I have only $157 to go and I know that will come soon enough.

With all of the bad press that comes from the fire world - foolish shenanigans of late, budget crisis issues, shopping on shift, etc - I cannot say anything other than I am truly loved and supported by, as well as blessed to be part of this world.

I am in a new school of strangers, still figuring things out and the fire world is right here with me, making sure I have the tools I need to make my crusade come to fruition.  There is no line item in any budget to bring this to life and yet, here it is.

Love and gratitude to you all.

And You Wonder Why...

I'm sitting here, in my classroom.  It is the back half of a 48.  My oldest is in charge at home and graciously missing practice for me.  He is tending to the dinner needs of the muppets and the polar bears.  There was a list of chores for each.  He has already told me that he has helped the youngest with her homework.  I am indeed blessed.  He has really matured and stepped up to help me, especially when J's shifts make my life insane.  I am lucky.

Now, as I said, I am sitting in my classroom.  Clearly since I am getting this post out here, there are no parents coming to see me. :(  

And you wonder.

You can hardly see downtown or the lake. So dreary.

Now, I realize that many of our kids come from the far northwest side of town and we are on the far southeast side.  I understand that transportation is an issue.  And it is raining.  None of these things help get our parents here.

Perhaps we need to go back to neighborhood schools.  It saves a TON of money.  Clearly, as a graduate and former teacher in the world of high school of the arts, I KNOW the value of specialty schools and understand that there is transportation needs there.  BUT, for the standard high school I think it is better to have the building and teachers more accessible.  Quality teachers CAN make the difference regardless of the zip code that the building is located in.  I know that.  I have worked with some AMAZING teachers in neighborhoods most angels would fear to tread.  I feel that having the school as a centerpiece has such amazing potential.  Community support and buy in.  A feel of "these are OUR kids".  I think I have this Rockwell image of the small town football game - all over our city.  If we could just get the people to buy in and see the value of our kids.  Support them and love them.  Cheer for them and ask how school is going.  Show them they matter.  

Tonight an 87 year-old grandma came to me with her sophomore.  And she said, "And you wonder why..." as she looked around our empty halls.  She raised her 10 kids and is now helping raise the next generation.  And she has a point.  If your people don't value your education...how do we expect those kids to buy into what we are selling.  

Perhaps it is the distance.

My kids don't come to events after school or stay for tutoring, because they have an hour bus ride to get them home.  As a child who spent 9 of her 13 years in public education on an hour long bus ride, both ways, I know that sucks.  You can't get help.  You can't hang out with your friends.  They are a long way from home.

So, here I sit.  Hoping my muppets don't kill each other.  Looking at my blank wall trying to figure out what I want to do back there.  I am such a high school teacher.  I suck at bulletin boards.  I am also missing teaching US History this year...my poster collection is looking sad without the other half.  

Ah, well.  Your homework for tonight - give me ideas for these boards.  I am off to hit Pinterest for Brag Board ideas.  

Wisconsin State Firefighters Memorial

It was beautiful and amazing and moving and heart warming...and I hope to never be more than a spectator and an observer of the love of family and friends.  

Beth is putting together her post...expect tears...but she did wonderfully.

So, until her post is ready on WifeBehindtheFire.com, I will leave you with a few beautiful images of the day.