Happy, Happy, Happy

Okay, I know I got that song stuck in your head.  We all loved it when it first came on the air, but now, through overplay and attaching it to ABC GMA commericals, we are I am most certainly done with it.

But, maybe I should not be.  Maybe instead of singing Let It Go and Do You Wanna Build a Snowman in various adaptations, I should walk around singing Happy.  Since Mother's Day I have been on a bit of a high.  And it is all about just embracing the little things. It is accepting your failures and building from there.  It is using each day as a lesson for the next.  Cheesy, but really where I am.

I am looking at what to do with my Fridays in school next year.  We are continuing with the Service Learning, but I would like to build in a character building aspect.  My kids really need training in how to be polite and respectful and handle themselves among themselves.  I was looking for, what I called, "How to Not Be a Jerkface All the Time" training programs and I found 8 Keys to Excellence and I like what they are putting out there.

One of the key (pun totally intended) tenets to this program is 

and I totally love it.  

Yup, that sucked.  What can you take from it and where can you go from here? 

It is really rather empowering when you just embrace it and move on.  Another moment for me to practice what I preach.  

Chaos - http://www.henderson-art.co.uk/art-detail.php?id=chaos

Insanity is this week - 2 more days of the school week, with a shift day tomorrow and subbing jobs for the fireman on both ends.  My mil's birthday party is Saturday and D's is Sunday.  The boys have a million things to do after school - 8th grade memorial things and robotics competition prep. And my house looks like a Laundromat vomited all over it.  I keep moving the laundry baskets I am avoiding from my living room to my bed and back again.  We are looking at buying new living room furniture - kids and dogs have taken their toll on what we have right now and I can't make it look nice anymore. I have a stack of papers to grade that is reaching toward the heavens and I am unsure as to when I will get to those. My perfect life that so many people seem to perceive that I live, looks more like a random state of chaos and confusion at every turn.  I am okay with that, it is my confusion.

And yet, with all of this insanity, I am amazingly calm.

If my laundry doesn't get put away by the party day, I'll close my bedroom door.  I will get to those papers, even if it is not tonight.  The new furniture will be amazing and will lead to lovely nights of giggles, frights and snuggles.  

I am in an amazing state of contentment.  It is kinda weird.  But I am indeed kinda weird, so I guess I'll just have to embrace it.

Marriage and the Fire Service

When your spouse is a firefighter, you find yourself married to the fire service as well.  At a bare minimum, you are indeed married to their schedule.  Sometimes you are married to their crew as well, because they are indeed his other family.

This week has been an especially crazy week.  I had an IEP that took me out of 3 classes, I covered 2 other days during my prep hour.  I had a meeting with our community leaders regarding a HUGE community service project we are launching through my classes, in partnership with UWM and several community organizations.  And then there is chess and judo and the auxiliary meeting that I couldn't keep my eyes opne long enough to go to.  I also have to analyze data to find out why I am failing to meet the needs of  my children at work, which is stressful in and of itself.  We don't have a PO or Vacation day to come for weeks, yet.  The laundry is mounding, the dogs are missing their people and acting like wild animals and I can't sleep at night.

How does this all come back to the fire service?

Yesterday the agreement was that J would come up to my room when dropping the boys off for the chess meet at our school to grab some stuff (Which, btw, both boys did an AMAZING job with.  B won his match in like 15 moves and N found himself down very early on and FOUGHT his way back to a win after a near 2 hour match!)  He called me and said, "Meet me downstairs and bring your jacket."  

Mysterious.

I grumbled as I pulled myself away from my data, which was telling me that I was SUCH a horrible teacher.  Grumbled as I walked down to where his car was.  Greeted my boys and tossed them my classroom keys to stash their jackets and grumbled some more as I climbed through a snow bank to get over to the passenger side of the car.  

9 kids that are reading at or above level...sigh

He smiled oh so sweetly and brightly at my gnashing of teeth and said, "We're going to our bar and having dinner with the girls."  And I grumbled some more.

Until I realized that I was not going to be able to really see him for a bit.  We were definitely on a course for ships passing in the night. We would be parting ways after dinner so he could take the girls to judo.  I would most be drooling on myself upon their arrival back at the domicile.  I would get up and go to work in the morning.  Rush home and take all the kids to the family dance at their school (which my lovely FF has absolved me of!!  SO SWEET!).  Clean up after the dance because B is on the committee running it.  Toss everyone in the shower and into the PJs (The wiggly bodies, probably still a bit damp.) And then Saturday he is back on shift and I have a morning of swimming lessons and an afternoon of birthday parties.

This was our one shot.  

So we talked and laughed and ate the yummiest bar food ever.  

And then I kissed him goodbye when he dropped me back off.  Came up to my room of chess geeks and gnashed my teeth at the data...putting it away while they all told me about their matches and eagerly awaited the updates on N's match.

It was the needed interruption for my sanity.

The fire service rules your life.  Embrace it or don't, it will always be looming there, ready to steal family time from you.  So, you need to make family time where you can.  Even if it is with only half of your kids...having dinner at a local bar...for an hour.  We were together.  With this schedule and the kids' active lives, sometimes it seems as though we clearly don't get enough time.  So we need to take what we can get.

wow...amazing what 18mos. does!

The Difference Between Mommies and Daddies

There is indeed a difference.  Some believe it is a Martian vs. Venetian thing.  Some people believe it is a difference in our brains' wiring, blah blah blah blah.  BUT, I saw it in full force last night.  And it got my goat, even though I really tried for it not to.

I love and hate this about him - he will help anyone - with anything - at anytime.  Regardless of what else needs to be done, he will drop everything to help anyone.  That was yesterday.  He was supposed to help me out with cookies for our auxiliary's Cookie for Friends gathering.  Cookies brighten spirits.  We put together a ton of platters of cookies for Walter Reid, the Sojourner Truth House, the VA, some of our injured FF families, our mourning families...you get the idea.  We all bring 5 dozen and put the trays o' treats together.  Life did not allow me to get to it. His response, "Don't worry, I'll do it for you."  Awesome!

I got home from school, expecting that my firefighter would have my house smelling of baked fresh goodness.  And it looked and smelled exactly the same as it did when I left at O'Dark Hundred.  He hadn't been home all day.  

And there were no cookies.  

I called him - he was TWO hours away.  " I was going to make them when I got home."  Ummm, yeah, I will be running off to my meeting by the time you get started.  That simply won't work.  :(


So, I cancelled the math tutor (I was too insane to be seen in public by anyone outside of my crew), fed the kids, made sure the k9s were fed.  Took care of the gift for the exchange. I worked with what I had and made the pretzel, Rollo, M&M thingies.  It worked and took me 15 minutes.  Toss them in the freezer to cool, life is good.  I tried to get ready and festive, but the FF called.  And then my dad called.  All while all of my people needed my undivided attention RIGHT NOW!

Why, yes, that is fur at the top!

Went through the meeting.  Wore the ugliest Christmas socks known to man, thanks to my gal pal fire wife next door. Won a door prize, weird.  Packed the bags of cookies and skidaddled on home - around 10pm.  

When I walked in, the house still looked the same as when I left at O'Dark Hundred that morning.

I left the muppets in charge of one chore each.  And asked my hubby to get the dress clothes together for tonight's concert, since my time for that was taken up making the candies for the meeting and I did not want to drive an extra hour and a half to do it.  And today is a Green Shift.

None of it was done.

And St. Nick had not stuffed the stockings.

And the dishes were still in the dining room.

And his clothes were still piled in the hallway, waiting for him to go through his dresser.

And laundry had not been switched.

And lunches had not been made.

And O was asleep in her clothes and their room was a mess.

And.....I.....PANICKED! 

And I went and started to do it all BY MYSELF.  

I cleaned the girls' room and put O into her pajamas and into her bed.

And I stomped.

No showers were given.

And I huffed.

And the Elf on the Shelf wasn't done.

And I was miserable.  

I don't "do" things outside of the house (very much) anymore because I feel like I just don't have time to get it all done.  He wants me to go out with the girls like I used to, but then stuff doesn't get done and I freak out.  It is the nature of this beast.  I must have order in my kingdom.  And it doesn't help that I feel unheard and disrespected when I ask for help and am essentially blown off.

I need him to understand that.

He didn't see that.

He saw an opportunity to sit and watch Christmas movies with the kids, without having to compete for their attention with me. O, does not want Daddy if Mommy is there.  :(

He fell asleep, because it was quiet.  And even though he did not have a crazy night the night before, it was his first night back to work in nearly two weeks.  There is a re-acclimation  to be sure.  And then was his amazing helpful self with both of our mothers, the entire next day.  Again, I have an on-going love/hate relationship with this side of him.  It drives me crazy, but who doesn't love a man who is willing to serve his friends and family at any time?

He needs me to understand that.

I wish I was perfect and could smile and say that's okay.  Strap on my apron and pearls and get it done.  But, I am a sleep deprived, stretched thin, hard working, firewife teacher, mommy of 4 who is not inherently perfect.  I have a quick temper, especially when I am tired.  Am working on it always.

There are still two baskets of laundry in the living room waiting to be folded, with another couple in the wings.  My village still does not have a skirt - in any section and in fact the "back woods" is still hanging out in my messy dining room.  I am still in need of groceries.  My bedroom looks like it did when I was 10.  And that will all still be waiting for me this weekend. 

Tonight is the three stooges Christmas concert.  I am sending my oh so cool 7th grader home with another teacher to tend to the dogs.  We should be home around 9ish.  

And all of that stuff will still be there.

Friday is my FF's birthday, he will be the same age as me again and will no longer be able to attempt to lord that over me for another 41 weeks.  And we are celebrating by getting my dad's tree up and decorated.  Grandpa will feed us and give J his present.  Life will be good.

And all of that stuff will still be there.

My FF is amazing and I love him.  Hopefully, he can put up with my type A personality who must have everything done - perfectly...yesterday.  And hopefully I can continue to appreciate the relaxed nature he usually brings to our crew.

The weekend is almost upon us.  Enjoy your kids.  Laugh with them and love on them.  Enjoy your firefighter.  I am trying to realize that the laundry will all still be there waiting for me.

The Green Eyed Monster

My FF is going through a bit of a rough patch.  I am hoping to help him work his way through it, but ultimately it is up for him to do so.  And I find myself not being very helpful in my mind.  In fact, I find myself being very jealous and almost bitter in my mind.  There has been a list of things that he is "going to do" since we moved in June, that are still not done.  He had 5 days off a few weeks ago, hurt his back for the first two days and caught a bug the next three (which I am now working my way through - thanks for sharing with me).  So, he spent most of those 5 days laying down or sleeping.  Did he need it, sure.  But these kind of things ALWAYS happen where there is something big to be done.  <sigh>

So, this week, 5 days off again.  We are on day 3.  The DUNGEON, aka our basement has not been touched.  Shelving has been bought - still not tended to.  One side of the basement is impassible - you cannot get from here to there.  The other side is a dangerous obstacle course and I have sworn off laundry until I get there without hurting my back trying to keep my balance.  And so of course, laundry has piled up.  Groceries in my mini grocery store can't get put away because those shelves are not yet up.  He had my nephew put together our bed frame.  Yeah, he has the mechanical skills of his father.  Sorry boys, that means NONE.  SO, one of the supports, let go - on my side - and has been on his honey list for a month.  My back can no longer handle sleeping on a 45 degree decline. I sleep on his side when he is at work and Sunday night, I just slept on the couch. I suppose I could take care of it myself.  I am more than capable of using tools.  In fact, I was the only one who came into this marriage WITH tools.  But it is the point of it.  The point is he needs to help.  This was his week to help.  And yet - not so much.  I suppose, he did notice my glances to the sink when we got home from N's football game at 8:15 last night - he loaded the dishwasher.  Anyone want to bet on whether or not it got UN-loaded today??  My advice, save your money.  It didn't.

Remember in my last post, I told you I sent him a text about the girls' room.  Yeah, that didn't get done that day.  So, yesterday, about 45 minutes before we got to the house after school (to pick him up for N's football game because he left his wallet in my car and no gas in his truck and could not get down to K-town for the game and so I spent an extra 80 miles driving) he started cleaning their room.  Here was his answer - put all the toys in plastic bags and make the girls cry.  Really?  That will do it??  How did that work for ya when you did it with your oldest.  Soooo, you know what I will be doing.  I will be actually spending the time to put those away on Saturday AM.

So,back to today, he sent me a text while I was teaching.  I responded over lunch and got one word replies.  Really?  Sorry to interrupt.  So, I have him a call.  His only real response, "Wow, you sound like crap!"  Nice.  Thanks.  Probably because I am sick and get up before 5am to get your kids to school two counties away because your job has residency restrictions.  Probably because I have to TALK to my juniors and seniors while my throat is on fire.  Probably because I don't get to sleep while I am sick because I have to still grade papers, referee arguments, go grocery shopping, make dinner, fold laundry, clip coupons, create Prezis, answer emails.  While you get to sleep.  

And then my jealousy got worse.  He was at his sisters having lunch.  In and of itself - awesome.  What makes it hard - he gets to do it without kids.  I consider it a luxury to GROCERY SHOP without the kids.  To do that, I go at 6am, before they get up for Saturday cartoons.  And once again, there is something it gets to do without 4 muppets in tow.  And I was am jealous.  Jealous of the freedom his career allows him and angry over the extra work it creates for me.  I will get over it.  Probably around the time the weight comes off of my chest and I can breathe without barking like a seal or squeaking like a 14 year-old boy who has hit puberty while I am discussing the two sides of the Euthanasia debate.  I know that fair is a weather term and not a part of life.  I get it and I accept it.

But, sometimes, it still sucks.

ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

We have been back to school,  going on 4 weeks. 

Let me give you a break down of my day...

• Up at 4:30am, get kids up at 5am.  
• Kids eat breakfast and we are out the door by 5:50am.  
• Arrive at school 6:30-6:40am.  Get some last minute stuff done.
• Take 3 little muppets to the Lower Campus 7:05am.
• Return to the Upper Campus 7:15am
• 7:16am lonely high schoolers are at my door looking for love and attention
• 2:50pm school day ends.
• 3:15pm Pick up 3 stooges from Lower Campus, leaving my oldest in my classroom - doing homework - so he can be to football practice on time.
• 4:15ish pm back at home.  Feed  the K9 units.  Hug the neighbor kids.
• 5-5:30pm dinner.
• 6:15pm leave to pick up my Charles Woodson in training.  (My AMAZING fire wife gal pal next door keeps the 3 stooges for me when FF on shift, which seems to be all the freaking time!  Sometimes she even showers them for me!  Ummm, AMAZING!)
• 7:00pm arrive at school for the "end" of practice.
• 7:15ish pm practice is really over.
• 8:00ish pm get home, feed mini-Woodson and toss him in the shower, go grab muppets and toss them into bed.  Hug my FireWife for saving my butt, yet again.
• 8:30pm check mini-Woodson's homework - to see if he REALLY did it while hanging out in my classroom.  Send him to bed.
• 8:45pm Inappropriate snack.  Load dishwasher for 4 hour delay.  Throw in a load of uniforms to the washing machine to make sure my kids don't smell the next day.
• 9:00pm - lesson plans, grade papers, create PowerPoints/Prezis.
• 11:15pm prop eyeballs open to finish the last three papers.  Coax the K9s to wake up and come to bed with me.
• 11:25pm Catch the last of Leno so I can try not to think as I drift off.
• 12 Midnight, hopefully asleep.
• 4:30am - REPEAT!!

So, ugh, yeah.  Dusting.  Cleaning windows.  Vacuuming.  I try and fit it in on Saturdays.

And my house has EXPLODED!  I am able to keep the community areas clean.  The living room is presentable.  You could come in and I would be okay with it.  Not how it would be if I knew you were coming.  I got the kitchen back under control.  Floors need some attention, but it is okay.  Dining room and bathrooms - both okay.  My bedroom - yeah, about that.  There is a box of knick-knacks from his Grandparents that his mom was nice enough to bring down, a box with more of my shoes needing a home.  4 or 5 baskets of laundry that need tending to.  My bed is so not made.  My dresser and dressing table.  Yeah, we won't discuss that.  My girls' room.  I would have to take a picture for you to believe that.  You cannot see the floor and I have no clue what clothes are clean and what clothes are dirty.  Boys' rooms - if they would spend 10 minutes on theirs, they would be just fine.

The text I sent to my FF this am - 5:42 am - You might want to clean the girls' room before I do it and you have an angry resentful momma on your hands because I had to do it again. Just sayin'.

Poor guy.  BUT, that was the agreement.  He would take over the housework that I could not keep up with once school started.  After all, he gets to do it with NO CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE!  I did it all summer with SEVEN of them running in and out and in and out.  You would think it would be easy.  But, that has yet to happen.  In his defense, he did turn our 2 1/2 car storage unit back into a garage, which was pretty amazing. But that was two weeks ago...

So, if you don't hear from me for a bit...I might have been sucked into the black abyss that is my girls' room. Think I will come home to it looking like this??

Probably not.  All about Daddy clean vs. Mommy Clean.  Guess I know what I will be doing...<sigh>

Hug you kids and kiss your FFs.  Happy Monday!

It followed me

The curse of the Blue Shift is now the curse of the Green Shift.  So far (knocking on formica before I type this) nothing has gone WRONG, just inconvenient, I guess.


So, yup, this would be me whining.  We have never been at a school that did a Kindergarten completion (I just can't call it a graduation) ceremony before.  D has one today.  O has a little ceremony in the Montessori, as well.  My final is a project, I thought I could sneak over.  You know the perks of having all 4 kids in one PreK-12 academy (that I teach in), right?  Yeah, let's just say, not so much.  We'll leave this discussion for another day.  So, you think I could send my hubs - nope he's working.  Just like he was supposed to work for Prom.  And so it begins.  The Honeymoon is over.  I even tried to move - literally.  Guess I was not fast enough in that regard.  The Curse of Blue Shift, informed the Green Shift and here we are.


Yes, I know.  It is just kindergarten.  But, sadly, D will be the only - no lie - the only one without a mommy or daddy there.  Probably O as well.  I asked our Admissions Director if she would be willing to stand in for me, take pictures.  You know, the usual.  And she is MORE than willing to do so.  I even sent a plea to my hubby last week to see if he could make a trade.  I feel so bad for the girls.  


Sad, I know.  I will be done fussing in a moment.  But for now, I am wishing I could be there with them.  Big picture, really not a big deal.  But for this moment, a little heartbreaking.

Wish me luck

Our second trimester has come and gone, I have the stack of papers from yesterday's exams to prove it. I will be teaching two totally new, never seen by me subjects before, during this final term.  This weekend I have a TON of last minute touches to put on EVERYTHING for this new term.  Everything seems to be "almost" done. And I have to do it as a single mom.

Remember how I said "Here is where I fall in love with the fire department"? I still stand by that. But, this is the moment when I lose my mind because of the firefighter's schedule.  


Last weekend J worked a 48.  He switched with one of the guys on the red shift, in order to be able to stay home with the girls during our H1N1 micro-pandemic.  He also had a city-owed trade that he is paying back PLUS the teacher in him caused him to HAVE to go on an over night field trip to the EAA.  This was the trip he was in charge of for 10 years.  So here is our schedule over the course of 2 weeks:

• Last week - Saturday, Sunday -  on.  Monday off.  Tuesday/Wednesday EAA trip in Oshkosh, Thursday off, Friday on.
• This week - Saturday off - our niece's birthday party in Manitowoc.  Sunday, Monday- on.  Tuesday off, Wednesday,  Thursday - on.  Friday resume some form of normalcy.

Light at the end of the tunnel - After these CRAZY stretch, I am one week away from Spring Break - which J is home for the WHOLE time!  YEAH!  And the icing on the cake - I am home for St. Patrick's Day which is also the opening day of March Madness.  BONUS!  Indeed the luck o' the Irish is upon me this year! We have made arrangements for the kids so we can go out on St. Paddy's - something silly I have always wanted to do, but always had to work.  

AND...we have been totally in UNDIES with Obabya since we came home from the hospital.  No Pull-ups, except at night.  And every Pull-up has been dry in the morning. (Don't ask me about the ONE time I get brave and leave her in undies at night, however.)  Never thought I would be discussing undies in such a manner.  So funny how Mommyhood changes things!


So, I take a deep breath today - listening to the chaos break out upstairs along with the dawn.  My firefighter will be home in a few hours and our 24 hours together will begin with our fasting blood draw for his insurance - and may I say, I AM STARVING!  Followed by an hour and  a half trip up north for a fun party with family.  He leaves for a 48 tomorrow and I need to finish correcting some papers that were "forgotten" about by my seniors, along with yesterday's exams, finish writing my curriculum map and syllabus for my new sophomore class, shore up my second go round with this junior class for their part-deux  (They have missed me so much since November, that I have not been able to get them out of my room all week!  Think it will last?)  and figure out what the heck I am going to do with the little teeny-tiny 7th graders they sent my way this term.  


Peace, love and Coco Puffs from the loony-bin!  


Enjoy your weekend, kiss your firefighters, hug your kids and thank your teachers.