Finals

I love the sound of that.  

Finals.

Finals mean I FINALly get some time to be me.  Finals mean I FINALly get to see my kids for more than a quick minute.  Finals mean I get to FINALly address the fact that my womb is getting back at me for several traumatic pregnancies.  Finals mean I FINALly get to address my grief over losing my grandpa.  Finals mean I can FINALly find my house again under all the chaos that is left behind in the wake of life.  Finals mean I can FINALly get into a classroom that is mean for my class size and my discipline.  Finals mean my Seniors are FINALly on the path that is the first day of the rest of their life.

Finally.

I can breathe...well I will be able to breathe after tonight.  

No more fear of cancer in my belly.  No more anxiety for my grandma.  No more periods lasting 26 days out of a month - with all the inconvenience and lack of energy that comes with that.  No more papers (for a bit). No more staff meetings..well significantly less.  No more juggling schedules to accommodate two fire families with four FT parents.  

Life can just be!

I had a great finish to the school year.  My kids service learning project was a total SNAFU - nothing went right.  BUT, it was a night that 40 teenagers will talk about for years to come.  I mean how lucky am I that 40 teens came out to work a trust building party for a neighborhood they don't live in on a beautiful Friday night, the week before exams!!  My classes are in place for next year.  My girls room is clean.  My new van is being detailed as we speak.  

Life is good.  I will get back to writing.  I will get back to networking.  I will walk around and watch the world through the lens of my camera.  I will find my way out of the chaos that was the school year - wonderful, rewarding, stressful, exhausting and just my world.  I will take vacation so that I am strong enough to take it all on again in August. 

I'm back.  I'll see you in a week.  We have a 48 this weekend, after my FF spent all last weekend on the Fire/Safety Crew at the Mile.  And, teachers still have 2 more days of school left...

Hug the muppets, love on your fireman and enjoy each day for what it brings.  Rest in Peace, Grandpa.  We miss you already.

Marriage and the Fire Service

When your spouse is a firefighter, you find yourself married to the fire service as well.  At a bare minimum, you are indeed married to their schedule.  Sometimes you are married to their crew as well, because they are indeed his other family.

This week has been an especially crazy week.  I had an IEP that took me out of 3 classes, I covered 2 other days during my prep hour.  I had a meeting with our community leaders regarding a HUGE community service project we are launching through my classes, in partnership with UWM and several community organizations.  And then there is chess and judo and the auxiliary meeting that I couldn't keep my eyes opne long enough to go to.  I also have to analyze data to find out why I am failing to meet the needs of  my children at work, which is stressful in and of itself.  We don't have a PO or Vacation day to come for weeks, yet.  The laundry is mounding, the dogs are missing their people and acting like wild animals and I can't sleep at night.

How does this all come back to the fire service?

Yesterday the agreement was that J would come up to my room when dropping the boys off for the chess meet at our school to grab some stuff (Which, btw, both boys did an AMAZING job with.  B won his match in like 15 moves and N found himself down very early on and FOUGHT his way back to a win after a near 2 hour match!)  He called me and said, "Meet me downstairs and bring your jacket."  

Mysterious.

I grumbled as I pulled myself away from my data, which was telling me that I was SUCH a horrible teacher.  Grumbled as I walked down to where his car was.  Greeted my boys and tossed them my classroom keys to stash their jackets and grumbled some more as I climbed through a snow bank to get over to the passenger side of the car.  

9 kids that are reading at or above level...sigh

He smiled oh so sweetly and brightly at my gnashing of teeth and said, "We're going to our bar and having dinner with the girls."  And I grumbled some more.

Until I realized that I was not going to be able to really see him for a bit.  We were definitely on a course for ships passing in the night. We would be parting ways after dinner so he could take the girls to judo.  I would most be drooling on myself upon their arrival back at the domicile.  I would get up and go to work in the morning.  Rush home and take all the kids to the family dance at their school (which my lovely FF has absolved me of!!  SO SWEET!).  Clean up after the dance because B is on the committee running it.  Toss everyone in the shower and into the PJs (The wiggly bodies, probably still a bit damp.) And then Saturday he is back on shift and I have a morning of swimming lessons and an afternoon of birthday parties.

This was our one shot.  

So we talked and laughed and ate the yummiest bar food ever.  

And then I kissed him goodbye when he dropped me back off.  Came up to my room of chess geeks and gnashed my teeth at the data...putting it away while they all told me about their matches and eagerly awaited the updates on N's match.

It was the needed interruption for my sanity.

The fire service rules your life.  Embrace it or don't, it will always be looming there, ready to steal family time from you.  So, you need to make family time where you can.  Even if it is with only half of your kids...having dinner at a local bar...for an hour.  We were together.  With this schedule and the kids' active lives, sometimes it seems as though we clearly don't get enough time.  So we need to take what we can get.

wow...amazing what 18mos. does!

I Think I Am Going to Sleep In

I am up before the sun and try to have my FF out the door to his paramedic classes and the muppets buckled in before 6:15am.  That allows me about 30 minutes in my classroom to get started for the day.  I finally found a way to keep the three stooges quiet (N is too cool and hangs out at his locker) so I could work.  The girls have a desk, right next to mine with books for them, a Barbie laptop to work on with Mommy, papers, sticky notes, colored pencils and whatever little trinkets caught their attention at that moment.  B draws or plays with a field hockey ball or hangs out with one of our janitors who seems to have developed a mutual admiration for my kids.  It works worked.

Now, my room seems to be the hang-out for the early birds.  Teachers and staff come for no real reason, just to chat and I get nothing done.  I hear about dreams, Turkish game shows I just have to see, you name it. Not only do I get nothing done, but I lose my quiet peaceful children.  Since the environment is no longer quiet, neither are they.  So now, I am entertaining teachers, trying to plan in my head, shushing my children while reminding them this is a classroom and not a playground.  UGH!  What is a girl to do?

Solution?  Well, since I get nothing done and I come in early to get something done, this is not working.  So, I am simply going to stay home an extra half an hour and maybe, I don't know, eat breakfast or something crazy like that.

Happy Monday!