Monday, October 25, 2010

My First Dinner Alone...

J had a meeting with his LT this evening, right after his class at 1600.  The boys and I got home from school, picked up O from the sitter, ran to the house grabbed B's glasses to get them fixed and pick up new uniform pants for school.  Once we were done at Wal-Mart, we ran to get D from school came home - got the muppets and k9s fed, and I waited for J to come home for dinner for us.  And waited...and waited...and waited... he's having dinner with E2 tonight.  Would have been nice to know, especially seeing as I got an hour and a half of sleep last night and I am about to come down off my Red Bull rush, made dinner for us and still have 2 sets of chapter questions, a quiz and an essay (times 60 for each to correct tonight) AFTER I get 4 kids bathed and into bed and uniforms washed.  He HAS to tell me what is going on, my brain is too exhausted for its mind-reading abilities to work properly.

I am reminding myself that he is excited and nervous and scared and, and, and...  I know, I am trying to "get it", but I am here, too.  At some point there has to be that acknowledgement, right?  Especially since I have gone through 14 weeks of single mom-ness, for his career change.  I will have to take 4 kids trick or treating alone, put together a full Thanksgiving dinner alone, put the toys together and play Santa, alone. Some give to go with the take, right??  Or am I on my own from here on out?

Graduation is Thursday, the party is Friday.  I am hoping to become part of this world he has joined, instead of merely standing on the outside looking in (trying not to pitifully fog up the window with my hot breath), while juggling groceries, potty training, papers, lesson plans, cooking, laundry, "Mom, I need poster board for a project that is due TOMORROW!", "MOM, BEAR JUST PEED IN THE GIRLS' ROOM" - I don't think I like this super-mom cape.  Can I trade it in??

I just feeling like I am drowning and no one is noticing.  My emergency flares are not being seen.  It has to get better, doesn't it?
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