Too Hot to Handle: T Minus Seven Days

Sunday, October 24, 2010

T Minus Seven Days

Calendars have been set,assignment given, obligations have been rescheduled or new dates (my dad) found, uniforms ordered, boots ordered and ready for pick-up, kids prepped, graduation party rescheduled, holidays discussed, house cleaned...and I am still not sure I am ready for this.

Sleeping alone, running to everyone's appointments on my own, homework, temper tantrums, dinner, dogs fed, papers graded, sirens blaring, news reports, questions from the kids, concerns about some of the runs he'll go on, finishing my masters, juggling Christmas Eve alone...

Random thoughts when I should be enjoying A-Rodg's first win over his shadow - #4.

Deep breaths, one day at a time, don't be too proud to ask/accept help, taking time to pray for Jeff's safety and congratulate his accomplishments, hugging my kids and learning to make this adjustment to our new leg of this journey.

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I AM

Taken from "The Fireman's Wife" by Susan Farren

I am thank ful. This has not always been an easy walk for me.

I am disappointed. We have missed family gatherings, weddings, dinner engagements, birthday parties, and holidays because of shift schedules and overtime.

I am patient. There have been dinners spent at the firehouse waiting for Daddy to return from a call while the kids get cranky and the food gets cold.

I am nervous. I awake at 3:00 A.M. hearing creaks in the house and don't have the comfort of my husband beside me.

I am tired. The house is full of sick kids and there is no relief in site because Daddy is on a seventy-two-hour shift.

I am jealous. Jealous of all the women whose husbands came home at 5:00 P.M. to have dinner and hold them at the end of their day.

I am worried. I worry that he may not come home one day. This I try to tuck away.

I am content. We have decided to give up my career so I can stay home and raise our children. We no longer have an abundance of money or things. It is the greatest freedom I have ever known.

I am incompetent.There was a time when I considered myself moderately intelligent. I now struggle to remember where I left my car keys, the diaper bag, and, occasionally, the baby.

I am waiting. Knowing the phone may one day ring for me.

I am doubting. Doubting that God hears all my prayers. Doubting I am the kind of wife and mother He needs me to be.

I am trusting. Trusting that my husband will come home again.

I am confident, I am embarrassed, I am lonely, I am surprised, I am overworked, I am underpaid.

I am...The Fireman's Wife.