We made an agreement a few weeks ago that we would talk at least once a shift when he was working. Jeff called around 10:30 last night and of course I asked how it was going. They had ONE call. And it was an med call - nothing too interesting. You could just hear the disappointment in his voice. All of the guys from the academy have been off to fires, some of them several in a shift. And to date...he has had a total of...NONE!! No fires. Most of his EMS calls have been nothing too exciting or they have been called off. Which leaves more time to clean. Let me tell you, that is NOT one of his favorite activities.
On my way into work this morning he calls to check on my hand. And again, how was last night. They had one run - smoke at a nearby hospital. I actually felt excited for him. BUT, when they got to Sinai - it was just a steam vent. Someone called because they noticed steam from a steam vent. AYE!
But, here is my dirty little secret, I am relieved. I am nervous when he is at work. Mind you, being a high school history teacher with 4 little ones at home, does not leave much time to worry about it. But, when it is finally quiet at the dinner table, it pops into my head. The first moment when the "MOOOMMMMAAAAA" calls from the dark bedrooms cease and there is a peace in the air, it creeps into my to-do list. When I realize that I am waking up alone, I can't help but hope and pray that he had a quiet night. I know that is not what he is looking for, but I am okay with this lull. The thought of the high rise pack having to be pulled out, does not thrill me. The possibility of my doorbell ringing at 3am is not something I want to even think about. When I get that 6am, "Hi Honey, another quiet night" call on my way down to Kenosha - I feel his disappointment, but also breathe a bit easier.
Please join me as work to make sense of my life as a fire wife. This is his TRUE calling. He was a tremendous elementary school teacher, but this is definitely where he sees himself happy. This is my journey to acceptance and support for my husband's dream job come true. Real, sometimes raw and almost uncensored. "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. . . when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. . .for I am the Lord your God"
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
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