Amazing Evolution of a Fire Wife

I am amazed at how we as fire wives learn to adapt and evolve.  Three years ago we were preparing for the academy.  I knew life was going to change, but I did not realize that I would be standing on my head most days.  That first year was miserable! 

 I was trying SO hard to be supportive, but I found more resentment than anything else.  The academy left me with 5 children instead of 4.  I was helping him study every night, trying to keep him awake, after chasing after the kids alone all day.  I mean, I had a 2 year-old!  I learned how to mow the lawn and solidified the fact that I HATE doing laundry alone.  I moved my classroom from our garage to a school more than an hour away from our home - with four children in tow.  My FF was learning his place in the fire world and the life of a cub was not exactly easy. Trick-or-treating was his first shift, his captain welcomed us with open arms, but my FF hurried us out - quickly - so as not to take any flack for us being there. Thanksgiving was alone, well, without my FF.  But, all I had to do was the side dishes, so all was well, or as well as it could be. When he was on shift Christmas Eve we visited Daddy with cookies at the firehouse.  I learned to play Santa ALL BY MYSELF - even with our oldest refusing to go to sleep because he needed to see Santa.  I learned to juggle everything when he was mandated for Christmas Day.  Everything that could go wrong, did, when he was on shift.  I am oh so grateful that I had family close by when there were ER visits that turned into admissions - and he was on shift.  Not many events for my shining moments highlight reel here.  But we made it through that first year - kind of clinging to each other, but together.

Two years ago, I  was still trying to figure out what in the heck was going on.  Still trying to manage the muppets, potty training and "stuff" by myself.  I was still learning to sleep alone and how to be happy in our marriage with him gone most of the time.  I was packing up our house (and unpacking) - alone.  I found myself in a city where I knew no one. BUT, I learned how to just be during this time.  Our house was broken  into - while he was on shift. My FF found himself in the med program, so I found myself with a 5 kids again. I found myself learning different classifications of drugs and protocol for various scenarios.  Again, he was in class all day, studying all night.  But this time, I did not have family 5 minutes away - I was truly on my own.  We hadn't made close friends, we weren't in this city long enough.  I learned that you just have to roll with things and deal with them.  

Last summer, I packed up our house - AGAIN - alone.  I unpacked and established our house, alone, AGAIN.  BUT, this time, I had a FF family next door - on the same shift.  We had never met until we came to look at the house.  My husband "knew" the FF from the department, but they were not friends.  But this time I was not alone.  My family was on the other side of town, but at least we were in the same city.  When something goes wrong on shift days, I literally have someone right next door to help with my muppets.  Football season sucked my soul, but having a fire family next door made it suck a but less.  When it was a shift day and I brought the three younger muppets home to eat and play, she would often take them and get them in the shower for me so I could make the hour and half round trip back to get the oldest.  

Somehow a FF was desperate to get New Year's Eve off, so my FF was home for Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day.  The muppets and I chilled and had sparkling apple juice for NYE.  My boys made it past midnight.  And it was just fine.  It was fun and it was bonding.  Would I have loved for my FF to be home?  Of course, but we enjoyed ourselves anyway.  We have learned to be our own people. 

This summer, I think we have finally found our groove.  It is not heartbreaking when we come to the firehouse and his rig is out.  In fact last night, daddy had a trade at a quiet house - back half of a 48.  And when we go there, you guessed it, the engine was out.  (My FFW gal next door said it is me - if the engine is out THERE, it is just me!  lol) No worries, I LOVE this neighborhood, so we walked over to the local Italian grocery story, grabbed some cookies for my FFW next door, commented on how many of these businesses had water out for their k9 customers and made our way back.  The engine pulled back into quarters while we were about a block away.  Perfect time.  We had watermelon with daddy.  Played in the engine, took a look at the pictures of the original house, with its horse drawn fire wagon - not even a steam engine.  And all was well.  We went to dinner with my dad, I got the kids to bed.  Earlier this week, I did all the 4th of July stuff, alone.  And for the first time.  That was okay.  I am okay when he's too busy for a phone call.  I appreciate when he his home for holidays, but it no longer rocks my being. 

Not only do the firefighters in our lives grow and evolve, but so do we.  We are amazing and strong and resourceful.  We just have to have faith in ourselves.  No matter where you are on the journey of a fire wife, know that it is a journey.  You will look at things through a different lens as the experience progresses.  Whether you are - 

pulling your hair out because he has back to back 48s and the babies are sick and there's no food in the house and the dog made a mess and...

or

wishing he would go back to work so you can watch what you want on TV or just read your newest Nook procurement.  

Muppets with my phone - yesterday's shenanigans.

These experiences shape who you are.  They strengthen your character and make you, you.  Love the time when your firefighter is with you.  Cherish those moments.  But also learn to love the time you have with yourself.  Learn one thing about your kids each shift or plan one activity for just you and your muppets.  That way not only do they cherish the fun that they have when Daddy comes home, but also the time when they don't have to share mommy with daddy.  Simple things - picnic lunch in the park with your girlfriend and her kids, glow in the dark bubbles, chalk drawings, a girls only movie night or a Foosball tourney in the basement.  Just have fun.  The laundry will still be there (trust me, it doesn't go away) but the kids are not always going to be there.

My FF will be home in about an hour.  My muppets have officially been worn out and are still sleeping.  Life is crazy, but these moments of peace remind me that this is life. Tomorrow is his last 24 hour shift for a while.  I am excited to have dinner with him and walk through the neighborhood with him every night.  I love having him home, please don't think I don't.  But, I have also learned to love the time with myself.  Love that firefighter, love your muppets and love yourself.  Keys to happiness, for sure.

Who needs TV - I live with the Muppets.

As parents, we all know that life with kids, especially four of them, is never boring and rarely quiet.  Imagine living with Muppets.

Bet you didn't know my kids were Muppets - yup it is indeed the truth.  They are not regular kids - they are caricatures - not REAL kids.  I am just amazed at how distinct their personalities are.  Let me introduce you...

Our oldest is known as Noah, but really he is Waldorf.  One of the cranky old men from the Muppet Show.  You know, one of the dynamic duo, the Siskel and Ebert of the Henson world.  They sit in the balcony and make their opinions well known for all to hear.  That is Noah.  He is uber-smart - sometimes to point of scary, but very critical of others and has been a cranky old man since probably the second grade.  Even is younger brother has gotten in on he action.  His nickname for Noah is CNH.  Not because he is sweet like the sugar, but rather because it stands for Cranky Noah Harrington.  (PS - pay attention to the portion with Miss Piggy - she'll come up later.)

Brennan is our next Muppet.  He is a keep everyone happy, go with the flow and laugh as much as possible kind of kid.  He has been in glasses since 5 and so he even looks the part.  Brennan is definitely Scooter.  He is always on the go, always trying to get things to go his way (and often successful) always trying to organize events and always the one who seems to catch it from the other Muppets when things are not QUITE the way they believe they should be.

Desiree - what can I say about Desiree.  Who else could Desi be but Miss Piggy?  Des has been singled out since she was a baby - she was a Gerber baby.  She even figured out at such an early age, that people were talking about her and if she tilted her head, they would oo and aah  even more. <GAG>  She is a princess, and the world treats her as such.  If she does not get her way....let's just say, I hope you can hold your own!

And then there is Little Livy.  Do not let her age or size fool you.  She may be the size of an average 12-18 month old child, but she is not one to be bullied.  Being the youngest of four, Olivia has learned that you need to fight for your position.  She makes up her mind and no one will be able to tell her that she cannot do something.  Size will not stop her.  Liv also has a bit of a, umm, what you could call a wild side to her.  She is a rough and tumble kinda gal and sometimes hard to understand.  She becomes a different creature when she is hungry or thirsty, a bit of an Animal, I guess you could say, when food is not readily available.  If nothing else- she will steal her sister's food while the diva has her moments!

Well, there you have it - our Muppets.  Hopefully they bring a smile to your face as they do mine.   Happy Saturday!

Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath...

My firefighter is still adjusting to his schedule.  He has offered to take the "Watchman" position through the night. Simply put, he monitors the radio traffic and answers the phone and door calls through the night, while the other guys sleep upstairs.  This leaves him trying to get back on a sleep schedule on his off days.  Especially after his last shift - it was radio only, no tones.  That makes for a very long night for him.  I am trying to be patient and let him sleep as long as he needs, to nap as much as he needs to.  But that leaves me as a single mommy on his shift days, as well as a good portion of his off days.

Today, I kept the kids quiet while he slept.  Our favorite firefighter joined polite civilization around 9:30am and instantly announced he was going to run down to Engine 30 to grab a light he ordered from one of the guys.  I kid you not, the moment he left, our lovely muppets - who had been so nice and quiet while Daddy slept - erupted in a sea of screams.  Livy was ticked off that Brennan was cleaning the toy room, Brennan was furious that Liv made a mess (even though I tried to tell him that is just what 2 year-olds do), Desiree was mad that Daddy left without taking her, making sure everyone knew that she was dissatisfied and our oldest, Noah, was making his indignation at my request to clean up his desk, VERY well known.  I left.  In my bare feet and fire academy sweats, I went out and stood on the deck (in 28 degree weather).  I counted to 10, counted again and again and again and again...

I know everyone is having to adjust to this new lifestyle, but I feel like I am the only one making the adjustments with the kids.  I feel (knowing full well that perception is not necessarily reality) as though Jeff is making the adjustment to HIS new lifestyle, but not ours.  Please tell me that we will hit our stride and find our routine, please.