A Letter From a Fire Wife, to a Fire Wife

Dear Julie,

I know you don't know me, but at the same time you know me better than some of my closest friends.

You know how I juggle practices and games, with homework and chores - on my own a third of the time. You know how I sleep in my bed alone every third night. You know how I plan everything by counting days in threes. My friends listen to me fuss, but they don't really know. You understand how powerful that Daley day is to the family, just as we plan on breathing on PO days. You know me. You know why I hate this picture, even though you don't know me.

You know how grateful I am to catch that phone call while he's on shift or to hear the keys on the counter when he comes in the door. You don't know me, but you totally do.

We all say that we can't even imagine, but the truth is, we all have. We have all imagined. Every FireWife has had that thought of "What if?"  And then we shove it back into its dark hiding place because that is how we survive.  Now you are living and know what we most fear to face. We know that your heart is breaking. We know how your dreams have been torn to shreds by carelessness. We know.

You know me. You know how it was to meet the love of your life so young, just as I did. You know what the faces look like when you tell people you got married at 22, just like I do. I know you.

You are living our greatest fears. You are the reason why having them work on Christmas Eve is really not that big of a deal. You are heartbroken. And we mourn, right there with you.

I am just over the border. MFD, CFD, fire departments around the world...we grieve together. I know that will not stop your heart from hurting. I know that will not give you the answers when the questions from the kids come. I know that Christmastime will always leave you trying to catch your breath when you least expect it. I know. I know birthdays and holidays and weddings and babies will never be as you ever imagined while you were dreaming your dreams.

I know.

But, please know, you are never alone. You truly have the whole family of firefighters and those of waiting for them to come home surrounding with love from near and far. Know, you only need to say the word and we will be there with anything you might need. Having dear friends in the CFD world, I will quickly come down and grab them along the way if whatever you need will make you breathe a bit easier, while you try to learn to breathe alone. 

You are never alone.

We will bring Santa and sing caroles. We will bring food and fold laundry, We will listen to you however you see necessary. We will tell the world to leave you alone. We will rake the leaves that did not get swept up. You just say the word.

Please know, we are all here. We are family. You know us. From one FireWife to another, we are all here. There is a sisterhood that is forged by fire...and it is stronger than the rest of the world can image. Send me a note, let me know what I can do. Please know...

I have watched in amazement at your grace and read your letter and admired the strength that it must have taken to write that through the tears. I am sending you love, support, prayers and hope.

You don't know me. But you do. Just as I don't know you, and yet I do. I know you are hurting. I know you will be angry. I know this will never go away, completely. But, please know, you are never alone. We will walk with you, just say the word.

In love, peace and support,
Trina
Wife of Jeff - MFD FF/PM/TEMS

Photo credit - ABC 7 - Chicago

We are Family

I know I JUST posted about this, but I am finding examples of this everywhere!  EVEN at WORK!  

There are two other FFWs in my building - one active, one retired.  The retired FF has had some issues since retiring last year and needs help.  She was feeling lost about where to go next.  So, she called me over to her desk and asked for my help.  Duh.  Of Course!  There are some CO2 issues from back in the day when you didn't mask up, that show why today you DO mask up. He is not advocating for himself and is not really himself anymore...so she, in typical FFW fashion, decided to step in.  And where do you turn, to another FFW, of course.  I mean, DUH!  We can make it happen.  That is just how things go.

I'm a fixer, it makes me feel good when I can help make things happen.  I got the ball rolling and now, well, we'll see if the boys make me look good.  I am certain that they will.

Ladies, you are not alone in this, even on the days when you feel like you are.  Even if you department is teeny tiny, there are women that feel your pain.  I think it does help knowing to whom to go in your department, but you'd be surprised at the connections that networking brings.  Ask a certain BC (not MFD) about his latest round of conferences.  We have connections that can help you out.  "Hey, I know a guy" kinda stuff.  Or we can "listen" through cyber space or we can hold your hand if you are close enough.  We can help change out that faucet or we can send a YouTube video to help you clear that clog.  Just remember, like the guys, you are not alone in this.  BUT, among our FFW super powers, of which I have many, mind reading is sorely lacking.  Please speak up and say "HEY, LADIES.  I NEED YOUR HELP!" You would be amazed at the response you will get. 

You need a direction, hit me up here.  I am always here...

When Paths Collide

Sometimes people come and go in our lives.  Sometimes we know the reason, other times we know there must be SOME reason, it just has not been made clear to us.  Personally, I LOVE the people who SMACK you in the face.  You know instantly why they were put in front of you.  Neon billboard - BOOM there it is.  They make me smile and bring some weird pictures to my mind - think the Colosseum in the original Clash of the Titans. 

Just a few weeks ago, I had JUST that kind of a meeting...well, cyber meeting if you will.  Now, be prepared.  She will be telling her side of the story.  It will be much more fantastic than mine.  But, she was my example of the day.  

Fire wives - we are unique and we are family.  Just like blood relatives, some annoy you, some worry you, some make you laugh until you wet your pants, some can sing every musical you know - WITH YOU!  But every once is a while you hit it off FAMOUSLY and find out that she is more closely related to being your sister, than you even knew.

Case in point.  Random fire wife banter, leads to predictable fire drama.  I'll spare you the silly details.  BUT, what IS significant, is that she is from my area - even though she lives half a country away.  AND, even more important she is MFD family.  Her grandfather was a captain on a truck not far from where we currently live.

And he lost his life after a fire - smoke inhalation.  

It was a sad moment, but to brighten her day and her still broken heart, I offered to run down to Engine 2 and  take pictures of the memorial and her grandfather's name.  Life got in the way and it probably took me about a week and a half to get down there.  I started taking pictures - sunset was perfect.  And as I started looking for his name, I realized he wasn't there!  And my stomach dropped.  He is on the state memorial, how is he not here??!!  I checked and I know he was on the state memorial.  HOW CAN THIS BE?

This lovely fire gal, had forgotten all about it when I sent her a quick note.  In a nutshell, "You grandpa is not on there.  We are going to do some digging.  Do you know any details on his death?"  And that sappy gal (don't let her tell you she's not) got all mushy.  Two phone calls and four days later - there is a date set and this fallen captain will FINALLY get the recognition he deserved nearly 37 years ago.  His name will be on the monument and his family will get to partake in that recognition.  And, I will stand by her - tissues in hand - has his sacrifice recognized and remembered, along with that of many other FFs.  

One more name on that beautiful monument.  One more family told thank you.  One more time to let the families know, we have not and will not forget the sacrifice.  

Be safe.  Love and peace.