Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Milestones

You know them...first steps, first words, driver's licenses, graduations, weddings, grandchildren..you get the idea.  Sounds like the most wonderful Hallmark movie.  There are some that are just not made for TV.  They are the ones that bring tears of heartbreak and not joy.  Loss of a child, divorce, death...having to make the decision to put your spouse into a nursing home.

My FF and my dad are currently taking my grandfather in for a 72 hour hold.  His dementia has caused his passing long before we actually lose him.  He has become obsessed and violent.  He leaves the apartment in the middle of the night to check on his car because he is convinced that someone is trying to steal it.  As he makes his way back up, he is a floor shy of where he lives and becomes frustrated and violent because "someone has changed the locks" on his apartment while he is out.  Luckily, the people that live there have not called the police.  

My dad has answered the phone - literally at all hours of the night - because my grandfather calls and wants to know who this lady is - my grandma. Or when did he move into this apartment (I was preggers with D when we moved them - that will be 9 years in September.).   J went over yesterday to give my grandma a break, took him for a walk because he loves to walk.  Tried to wear him out, as my dad did Sunday.  

No go.  The dementia has claimed him.  He is gone.  A few summers ago, he couldn't remember me or the girls, but remembered the boys.  Now, he is gone. The grandpa that taught me how to tap a beer in his basement at the age of 6 and took me bowling is locked somewhere in that shell.  He's lost weight and his gregarious personality that was always entertaining his buddies after work and Saturday morning with the old guys that bought me Hershey bars, is just not there.

Today, we have to make a decision.  We need a facility that can take dementia patients that are unpredictable.  He was throwing things at my grandma this morning and that is not okay.  

And so, they have taken him to the hospital.  Hopefully they will have the answers that we were just beginning to discuss this weekend.  This is a first and hopefully a last for me.  How do you take someone away from their home because it is for their own good?  How do you separate a couple that has been together for 60 some years?  How do you sit patiently at parent teacher conferences, waiting for someone to come in, concerned about their student...just to provide a distraction. 

I think I am going to walk around our halls for a bit. Like my grandpa use to take my girls.

Peace


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