I want to fix everything and make it so. There are definitely good things that come out of it, but mostly it feels like I might go insane.
As I have matured (I really don't see myself as older, yet), I have come to accept that not everything is with in my control and I just have to accept that as a fact of life.
Today was a really good day and then things just got, ugh, well... here is what I have learned through my life's journey.
- Bad things happen to good people. Being married to a public servant, which just find ourselves more immersed in those events. Nothing we can do about that, but listen, love and support them. You all know where I stand if you think they need more.
- John Q. Public will never understand. They will almost always see the FFs cleaning the truck and sitting outside in the bay doors in the summer. They are sleeping up close to Mrs. John Q. Public while that same rig is on the scene of the burning metal shavings, soaked in grease and oil, and flames are shooting 30 feet into the air. For everyone that sees them shopping in the morning, no one will see them run out at 2am when their tones go off.
- Sometimes we just won't understand. And that is just the way it goes. I am a high school teacher. Flour and water are everywhere - all I can think is that they are trying to make Play-doh like the pre-school teachers. And things, periodically, will get out of hand. Make sure that is not your FF. Sleep allows them to heal - mind and body. Even at home when you have been up all night, too. I do believe, whole heartedly, that XX DNA allows us to function while sleep deprieved and XY DNA just does not. By the way, pots and pans and wooden spoons make no difference with that, don't ask me how I know.
- They are your family, just as much as his. I had a bit of a scary event recently and I was amazed at how many of the guys reminded me that I could just call, they would be there on shift nights...with proper instruments in hand. And these are not the guys I have known since J has been on the job. These are the guys on the opposite shift at the house he has been at since December...and he is usually sent out.
- As much as 48s drive me insane, so do periods where he is home for weeks on end. We just finished up 3 weeks where he only worked on the weekends - one day. AT THAT JUST SUCKED. Not only did I not get to watch what I know he is not a fan of on shift night (because shift night never came), I also did not get to enjoy just chillin' with him while I was home on the weekend. SO, I've decided we just need to keep the 24/48 thing going on a loop and hire a maid, mechanic, handy man, and nurse for the shift days. They will earn their keep - that is when EVERYTHING will go wrong. And I can just sit and watch Frozen with the muppets while they all take care of the exploding water heater that put out the pilot light in the furnace causing a freak accident which caused all of my tires to go flat while my youngest broke both her legs and one of the others has projectile vomit and 2 major projects due tomorrow that Daddy PROMISED he would help with. (Which, if you did the math, means I am watching Frozen alone...in my bedroom, with the door closed.)
- Spring is NEVER coming back. Which means on those nights when I am soooo happy to have that remote to myself, I will be stuck under the fleece blanket, under the denim quilt, under the Pooh Bear comforter, under the Batman comforter, under our regular comforter with the polar bears making a FFW sandwich. I can't complain, because he is out in the cold, hoping to not slip on the ice at the residence that has not shoveled their walk since November. And I realize I can't fuss.