It is the word of the month in our house. Things are either Epic or SO Not Epic. There is no grey area. There is no middle of the road.
And I feel that.
I am either Epic or SO Not Epic.
This month my FF has been gone more than he has been home. There have been paybacks and days at the track and Hey, Could ya take this day for me 48s ALLLLLLL over the place.
I get something done and it seems so amazing and at that moment, I am Epic. Whether it is in my classroom or with the kids or whatever.
Or, I feel like a complete failure. We have not eaten as a family in forever. I have been away from my kids more than I would like. And when I have been home I have had SO much work to do, that I have been working while sitting in the same room or on the patio. But not playing with them.
Or when my FF comes home after a 48 and a day at the track and fusses that house is messy.
Or when my oldest has to ride his bike to and from football practice all week.
It seems like I am SO Not Epic more often than not.
And it SO sucks.
I would like much more boring events. You know, just sitting around doing nothing. Just...being.
I will get over this, I always do. But, someone might want to tell the FireMan that the week of back to work for the FireMan when he has been gone more than he has been home MIGHT not be the best time to say, "Hey, what do ya think about me joining the IRL Safety Team?" if he has any hope for a supportive answer. Someone MIGHT want to clue him in on timing. Right now, I don't want to think about weeks of training in Indianapolis or the 4 race commitment (roughly 6 days per race) per season or the two 48s that would come from nearly every race. (That makes a minimum of eight extra 48s - not including his days at the Mile.) Right now, I'd like to hold on to the last smidge of sanity that I seem to possess...while I prepare a binder for my SURPRISE Field Student who might be a Student Teacher, but is not sure...
Sigh...and two family gatherings this week.
Custard will make it all better, right? I am going to need a TON of Custard.
Custard will make me Epic. I know it will.