Don't Be A Freak

Control Freak. That might have been a better name for my mom to have assigned me. 

I want to fix everything and make it so.  There are definitely good things that come out of it, but mostly it feels like I might go insane.

As I have matured (I really don't see myself as older, yet), I have come to accept that not everything is with in my control and I just have to accept that as a fact of life.

Today was a really good day and then things just got, ugh, well... here is what I have learned through my life's journey.

• Bad things happen to good people.  Being married to a public servant, which just find ourselves more immersed in those events. Nothing we can do about that, but listen, love and support them.  You all know where I stand if you think they need more.
• John Q. Public will never understand.  They will almost always see the FFs cleaning the truck and sitting outside in the bay doors in the summer.  They are sleeping up close to Mrs. John Q. Public while that same rig is on the scene of the burning metal shavings, soaked in grease and oil, and flames are shooting 30 feet into the air. For everyone that sees them shopping in the morning, no one will see them run out at 2am when their tones go off.
• Sometimes we just won't understand.  And that is just the way it goes.  I am a high school teacher.  Flour and water are everywhere - all I can think is that they are trying to make Play-doh like the pre-school teachers.  And things, periodically, will get out of hand.  Make sure that  is not your FF. Sleep allows them to heal - mind and body. Even at home when you have been up all night, too. I do believe, whole heartedly, that XX DNA allows us to function while sleep deprieved and XY DNA just does not. By the way, pots and pans and wooden spoons make no difference with that, don't ask me how I know.
• They are your family, just as much as his.  I had a bit of a scary event recently and I was amazed at how many of the guys reminded me that I could just call, they would be there on shift nights...with proper instruments in hand. And these are not the guys I have known since J has been on the job.  These are the guys on the opposite shift at the house he has been at since December...and he is usually sent out.
• As much as 48s drive me insane, so do periods where he is home for weeks on end.  We just finished up 3 weeks where he only worked on the weekends - one day.  AT THAT JUST SUCKED.  Not only did I not get to watch what I know he is not a fan of on shift night (because shift night never came), I also did not get to enjoy just chillin' with him while I was home on the weekend. SO, I've decided we just need to keep the 24/48 thing going on a loop and hire a maid, mechanic, handy man, and nurse for the shift days.  They will earn their keep - that is when EVERYTHING will go wrong.  And I can just sit and watch Frozen with the muppets while they all take care of the exploding water heater that put out the pilot light in the furnace causing a freak accident which caused all of my tires to go flat while my youngest broke both her legs and one of the others has projectile vomit and 2 major projects due tomorrow that Daddy PROMISED he would help with. (Which, if you did the math, means I am watching Frozen alone...in my bedroom, with the door closed.)
• Spring is NEVER coming back.  Which means on those nights when I am soooo happy to have that remote to myself, I will be stuck under the fleece blanket, under the denim quilt, under the Pooh Bear comforter, under the Batman comforter, under our regular comforter with the polar bears making a FFW sandwich.  I can't complain, because he is out in the cold, hoping to not slip on the ice at the residence that has not shoveled their walk since November.  And I realize I can't fuss.

So, lesson of the day~

Control freaks are still freaks...just highly specialized freaks.  Don't be a FREAK, just be!

(Think that will be a quote on a classroom door some day, like all the quotes I have up???  I think so...you are seeing history in motion. Mark it down!  Well, okay, you are seeing a history TEACHER in motion.  Still note worthy, just ask my over taxed students.  They would be HAPPY to tell you allllll about it.)

Friday is coming!  See you in an hour and a day...dear, dear Friday.

Dance the chicken dance with your muppets and dance like it is your wedding night with your firefigther.  That laundry will still be there when What a Wonderful World comes to an end, no worries.

Acceptance

It is a nice place for a FireWife to be.  Especially when so much craziness, frustration, sometimes tears and heartbreak lead up to it.  My path to acceptance, luckily, has not come out of tragedy.  Simply self-preservation.  I have officially accepted  that life will not settle down.  My hubby, no matter how much he swears he'll get more done on his off days, simply won't.  My children will never voluntarily help out around the house without request and a bit (or a lot) of prodding.  Just the way life is.  So...after a few weekends of pulling my hair out, I think I am finally in a good place.  Some nights dinner will just have to be frozen pizza.  Sometimes when the kids want to have friends over, I will simply answer with a question - is your room clean?  The family room?  Sometimes when the kids all want to do something different, it is okay to say no and be guilt free.  When my FF can't find his clothes for work the morning of, I will ask him if they were put in the laundry basket.  That will simply be the answer.  Some days the laundry will simply have to wait - today is one of those days. It will still be there tomorrow when my FF makes his way home from E2.  He can do the heavy lifting for my sad lower back.  Some days, it is okay to just breathe.  Even though I am a FireWife, it is okay to NOT be a super heroeveryday.  It is okay just to be.                                                                           

So, that is what this morning was for me.  Luckily, my toddler is awesome at entertaining herself - it was a tea party in her room, with babies and reluctant k9s as guests, most of the morning.  The Three Stooges are up at the neighborhood school for the day camp, I believe today they are hanging out at the water park at Hoyt Park - could there be a more perfect day for that?  Me?  I am simply catching up with friends, reading the paper with Pandora in the background and breathing.  Mind you - I am indeed following O's movements so that my house doesn't totally explode.  I also have our 3 K9s plus a BIG rottie from across the street hanging out with us.  It is far too hot for them to be outside, so I have four rather LARGE shadows as I move from room to room.   I don't want to lull you into any idea that my house is quiet and calm by any stretch just, just less stressed.  This afternoon I am going to work on some curriculum, while O naps.

Next week is still crazy, J's family is getting together on the 3rd - was not on my radar until recently, he works the 4th, the 5th he is helping his sister unpack/move, he works the 6th and the 7th and I leave town for a conference in Memphis on the 9th.  Things are still crazy.  I am looking forward to leaving my hubby with the muppets for 5 days, as awful as that is to say.

Have a safe and festive holiday weekend, if you are in the States.  Remember the premises our country was built upon and lives that have been lost defending those ideal.  Thank a vet and take a moment to remember those who will never have the opportunity to be thanked for their sacrifices.  Happy 4th of July!