Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I am a Junkie.

Not something that I am  proud of and definitely something that I need to keep in check.  When I was in college it took over my life.  Too the point where stopping cold turkey nearly knocked me out of my socks.  

And now I am back at it.  

He has been there through it all.
I am an exercise junkie.  To the point where it is literally safer for me to not exercise.  In college, my daily routine was an hour on the stepper before my 8:00, run the six mile block in the middle of the country that our campus was on in the afternoon before choir, an hour on the stepper after dinner and another 45 minutes before bed if it was a stressful day.  At one point I weighed 89# and was sicker than a dog - all the time.

But, the endorphin rush was insane.  I couldn't get enough. Finally one of the coaches pulled me aside and said enough.  And I had to stop.  Soccer helped relieve the stress, but it was never the same.  

This past January, we joined a local gym.  There were some strings attached, I could only go with him.  I was not allowed to go alone and I was not allowed to stay longer than it took him to do his workout. The first day, I did the circuit and it felt good.  And instantly I was back on the bike.  45 minutes, level 7 hills...on my first day back in YEARS. And it was GREAT.  Then I broke my ankle...and it sent me into a bit of a depression.  I have been begging my physical therapist to let me do SOMETHING! 

Today was my day...mind you, just a recumbent bike, but it was amazing.  Ten weeks later I am doing 40 minutes on the hills - only level 3, targeting 100 RPM.  Until my FF came over and hit the cool down button.  If looks could kill... He was watching me from the treadmill a few rows back, watching to make sure I did not bump up the levels after he yelled at me for already doing hills.  (Truth be told, I started on Level 1 "fat burner" program...and it wasn't enough.  It kept lowering the resistance when I went above my target heart rate. I bumped it up within 2 or 3 minutes.  I needed the rush.)

But he was right to do so.  I know that, I get that.  We got some lunch and I admitted to him that I could go back again tonight.   He looked at me and said, "You're HIGH!  Your  pupils!  Oh, my, g-d, you're freakin' high.  I can see it."  And he's right. I was high.  Runner's High is very real.  

My name is Trina. I am a wife, a mother, a teacher, a woman and I am a junkie.
 
And I am sitting here trying to figure out how to talk him into going back with me for another round after the kids go to bed.  I am working on my negotiating items.  And, at the very same time, I am working on not negotiating at all.  I really am.  I am working on self restraint.  Tomorrow is another day and tomorrow he will go with me again.  But, I want to go now...

Luckily for me, my FF was there when I was younger, he saw how I get and he knows that exercise is my drug.  It it not something I have to hide or be ashamed of.  It is just part of me.  Everything in moderation, I know that.  But...it is a drug for me and it is calling my name.  I am blessed to have him in my life. 

I can move up to the elliptical soon...  


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