Thursday, May 2, 2013

Women in the Fire Service

This is a topic that comes up over and over and over and over.  Hydrant Girl just addressed it in her latest post.  We discuss nearly monthly on the fire wife boards. It is clearly a big issue in the fire world and is eating at the heart and soul of some of the wives.

It drives me insane.  And it is such a short journey, I should save the gas and walk.  This discussion is one of my pet peeves.

Perhaps it is because I did not marry a firefighter, but an elementary teacher.  That, my friends, is a different world.  Mind you, they don't do over nights together, but some of those ladies (and I use that term lightly) don't quite understand boundaries.  Claws come out and it is not always a pretty picture.  I think I was scarred the first time a judged a science fair.  Coming from a secondary setting, which leans more towards a male demographic, this was my first snarky encounter with teachers.  And it did not really get better from there.

But in the fire department, the women fight a big enough battle every day to prove they are just as strong as their male counterparts. In some cases, they have to worry about the male reactions to their presence.  There is enough on their plate without volunteering to bring drama into their world.


So when I read women on the boards calling the female ffs "hose hoes" and "badge bunnies" it makes my stomach turn.  When it goes to name calling and the slut word gets tossed around, I usually end up saying something that gets me in trouble.  I don't understand.  The world frowns enough upon strong women, we (as women) don't need to add to it.  We (as women) need to build each other up, rather than viewing each other as competition.  The world does enough to break us down - look at the media - why make it worse?  Instead we need to build each other up, our confidence and our souls.  My husband works with two females on a regular basis, and it has never crossed my mind to worry.

As I have discussed this with other firewives, I have discovered that one thing that a lot of women overlook and/or don't want to discuss, if your husband becomes involved with a female co-worker, your husband CHOOSE to get involved with her.  It takes two to tango.  There is always a choice.  And that my friends, means there is something more serious that needs to be addressed within your marriage.  Not a judgement, just an observation.  Your FF has to be strong enough to tell her to knock it off if she comes on to him.  We as women do it all the time.  I got hit on at the grocery store, really odd.  But I had no issues telling him I did not sail down that river of divorce that he did and have a nice day.  Awkward, yes.  I'll never see him again, yes.  But women don't like being shot down.  If your FF is clear with his boundaries, she'll back off.

I'm not saying that there are not women who don't respect the boundaries of a co-worker's marriage, because clearly there are.  But, for the most part they are there for the same reason that your FF is - love of the fire world and serving the people who need them most.  

Now, the volunteer world, I can't speak for that at all.  I have heard stories about girls hanging out at the firehouse just because, throwing themselves at the FFs.  But I have no actual experience.  My hubby said the firehouse where he grew up, no one hung out there.  But, there was no POC.  Where my husband is now stationed, good luck with that.  You get there and the tones go off - every time.   So I can't really wrap my head around this.


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My pearls of wisdom for the day, trust your firefighter.  Have an honest to goodness heart to heart chat with him if you cannot reconcile your fears, jealousy or apprehension within yourself.  Remember the vows that you took - forsaking all others.  You come first.  He comes first.  Trust your FF.  That is the biggest compliment you could give him.



9 comments:

  1. I agree with you! My husband's boss was a female and I had no reason not to trust her. Although it did help that her husband also worked at the station too! lol

    I trust my husband, no matter who tries to throw themselves at him. It definitely takes two to tango.

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    1. Exactly!! Strengthen your marriage and trust your hubby!

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  2. You may or may not post this but I think I will have to dislike this post. I just feel that it puts a lot of fire wives down for feeling something awful and they just cannot help it. They talk within their groups for support and wish for it to remain private between group members. Not get blasted for it.

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    1. And you are welcome to your opinion. This is a discussion I have heard over and over and over. I apologize if you feel you were "blasted" by this. That was not my intent. My intent was simply to say - trust your husband and stand proud in who you are. I feel that these discuss on the boards TOTALLY disregard the women that bust their arses to break through that glass ceiling. We face enough in the world. And I was VERY OFFENDED by grown women calling female FFs hose hoes. As for privacy, I believe I spoke very generally in my terms. I don't believe I singled anyone out.

      And if it hits a little too close to home, please be sure that your have an open discussion with your husband on your feelings. I wish you the best.

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  3. This reminds me of your "haven" blog. How Firewives is your haven you express your concerns and how the girls there just need to suck it up and deal with it because its you and you need that place (as all of us do to maintain our sanity as wives LOL!)

    As much as I may get irritated at things that are said over and over and over and over and over again on the groups I deal because I know that that wife NEEDS to say it right then and if getting it out and getting that (same) feedback and (same) support is what it'll take to give her the strength she needs to get through then I'm ok doing that.

    As far at the "hose bunnies" go, I've not heard of female FF referred to as hose bunnies.. I have heard of women that look to date a FF just because of the uniform and hip from one to another, not unlike the ones that do that with the military men. I've for news for them, the FireWire life isn't all glitter and rainbows!

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  4. Well, this does not hit close to home for me, I am more than trusting with my husband. I am just trying to stand up for my fellow wives because I feel like it was a low blow for them. They should feel comfortable to be within a group to say whatever and not be called wrong for how they feel. I wish you the best.

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  5. And, my lovely ladies, that is why I choose to voice my opinions HERE...on my blog and not in those forums. I bowed out of those discussions a while ago. But, this? This is my sounding board, where I am allowing myself the freedom to speak my mind. I have that in my blog description. If I offend you, please feel free to move on. No harm, no foul. If I posted this on the girls' threads, you would of course have every right to call me out on it. Welcome to my blog, where I work to keep my sanity.
    .

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    1. Well-said Trina! Good stuff and great advice. Unlike you, I married a FF-Medic, knowing that I was jumping into the "fire" with him. His first "partner" after getting married was a woman, and a dang good looking one, at that! Their personalities really clicked too. They became great friends instantly. Their friendship spread to include me, her highway patrol husband, and our newborn infants who arrived just a couple months apart. We've moved departments, but we still keep in touch to this day. Since then, my ff's had many female partners and not one of them has threatened our marriage, even the one trashy one I can think of. She was nasty, but my husband never has been. Our marriage has been solid for 14 years and counting! :)

      Speak your mind, it's your blog. These differences are what make each of us and our relationships unique. In my opinion, the best thing to do with information like yours, is to take it as sage advice from a woman whose marriage is exactly where most ladies should hope theirs could be. I never stop seeking ways to strengthen our marriage and keep it solid, even though it already is. My theory is, never stop learning.

      Oh, and I LOVE Rosie the Riveter!!! No one seems to know who she is anymore... I'd like to have her as my ff's partner. ;)

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