SO....

Please join me as work to make sense of my life as a fire wife. This is his TRUE calling. He was a tremendous elementary school teacher, but this is definitely where he sees himself happy. This is my journey to acceptance and support for my husband's dream job come true. Real, sometimes raw and almost uncensored. "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. . . when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. . .for I am the Lord your God"

J's phone went straight to voicemail, so my next logical thought was to call the firehouse. I did, ready with my calm voice and my list of questions. I literally looked at my dial pad when my husband answered the phone - he was already back at the engine house!


Craig A. Birkholz He survived two tours in the big sand box just to be lost trying to save a fellow officer in Fond du Lac? Really? It is a tragic story. It is a tale of two soldiers and their stories after returning home. I have been writing this post in my head for days. Trying to figure out what to say, what to focus on, how to handle it. It has been on my mind - constantly. I listened to the feed as it all went down - I was just captured by the surrealism of the whole situation. My heart broke when the news mentioned his wife. I am a teacher in Kenosha and the parish that was taking care of the funeral mass is attached to our lower campus. LITERALLY the signs of this tragic loss were everywhere! There are pink signs reminding us that there is a police funeral surrounding the entire school and church. Throughout Kenosha there are signs - at union halls and scrolling at banks. Kenosha is feeling the loss of one of their own.
Sgt. Craig A. Birkholz - we thank you. May you rest in peace.
I just spent 30 hours with all of our Sophomores at a retreat called Tyme Out. It was a GREAT retreat. The kids were wonderful. The leaders were awesome. It was a really great time. It focused on relationships - bf/gf, parents, friends, marriage, siblings, acquaintances - how you interact with those around you. We divided the kids into 8 groups - 1 for each staff member that went. We then divided those groups in half - 4 upstairs and 4 downstairs. The other 3 adults who were with me were wonderful. But, above all, I think the kids REALLY needed it. The girls and boys got to figure out how makes the other tick. We divided our groups into boys and girls. They discussed the opposite gender. WOW! My girls obviously needed to vent and figure out what makes the other half work! We had an anonymous Q/A session for both sides and I think it opened up their eyes like never before. And what did they take from it - that we could all use a reminder of - communication is the key to ANY relationship. Talking, letting the other side know what you need, what you think, how you feel - COMMUNICATION. It was tremendous!
The amazing thing of this whole experience was that they got it. Our retreat leaders were amazed that these were only sophomores. They did great. The break out sessions were wonderful, everyone respected everyone else's opinions, some long standing grudges were worked out. It really was great! The scripture work did not meet the grumbles that Larry and I seem to find in class. The games and discussions were real - not pontification and hell and brim fire. The kids were surprisingly open about things.
We left after lunch today. It was time. We had 30 hours straight - no break. I feel bad in retrospect, but I need it. I threw my headphones and listened to my i-Pod for the 2 hour drive back to school. I did not want to talk to the other teacher. I had just spent the previous 30 hours talking - talking to kids (large group and small), talking to the retreat leaders, talking to the other teachers (which was a good thing - nice to spend some time chatting OUTSIDE of school), talking to parents whose kids did not want to go back for musical rehearsal at 5pm yesterday, talking to the girls in the hall - in our PJs well after lights out at 11:30pm - because they just wanted to chat. THIRTY HOURS TALKING! I just don't want to talk anymore.
Now, let me tell you about my awesome FF did. In the CRAZINESS of Wednesday - me getting everything ready for my trip AND my absence, I left my make-up bag and meds on the dining room table. Somehow, I WONDERFUL FF helped me in my blond moment and brought them to me. Mind you - this is after he drove 60 minutes down to the boys' school to pick them up, with another 85 minutes to the retreat center and another 45 minutes home. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate what he did. First and foremost, I really need my meds. Seizures and hypertension, do not go well with 85 10th graders and no sleep. But, for my comfort level, I was grateful for my make-up. I am not too vain. BUT, without make-up I look like a totally different person. One whom my kids at work have never seen. It would have caused such a distraction, I did not want to have mess caused by my absent minded moment . I will forever be grateful to J for that trip he made!
ON TOP OF THAT - he got 4 kids, up, dressed and out the door by 5:20 AM - by himself. He dropped the girls off at O's sitter, one of the teachers from J's previous life as a 4th grade teacher takes D to school for us on the days J works. He then drove the hour down to drop the boys off at my school so my retiring department chair could hang out with them until they could walk down to the Lower Campus. Then my WONDERFUL FF drove another hour back to E2 and off to work he went! I am indeed a blessed and lucky gal! I am also so grateful that his Captain allowed some flexibility in the Cub schedule for J to get back there. He was nowhere near late for his shift at 8am, but Cubs report between 6:30 and 6:45. When I talked to him at 7am, my FF was about 30 minutes out. I will have to drop the Capt. a thank you note. I know he did not necessarily have to do that.I juat downloaded the Blogger app from Android. Just putzing to see if it is worth trying. So far aside from my typing skills, so good.
There is a quiet sadness that has fallen over our house. Spring Break is over. It is a rainy day so the kids could not even enjoy time out in the yard. I go back to teaching, kids go back to school and the firefighter makes his way back to the fire house. So, we get uniforms for Daddy and the boys washed, backpacks put together, take a look to be sure there is appropriate food for lunch boxes and off we go. I think it will be a quiet, slow moving morning as we try and get back into the swing of things. No worries. We have a 4 1/2 day break for Easter weekend and then June 1st is right around the corner. Wish us luck tomorrow.
I have a former student, already graduated - so she is a big girl. As I am perusing my Facebook feed, I notice her picture - throwing up gang signs - and my blood begins to boil! I scroll down her wall and I see a posting regarding VLN. I instantly inbox her telling her I wish I was close enough to bop her upside the head. Then I start looking through her pictures...the tattoos she has had done - clear as day, the gang bangers and their pieces. I look to see who she has tagged in these pictures. My stomach sinks. So, now I go through her feed."I love my bruthas and sistas of this Almighty Vice Lord Nation...Happy Holy Divine Day 55"There's my neon billboard - she is gone. I've lost her. We had a heated discussion, because I will be danged if I am going to let one of my girls go blindly and without a fight. And she starts telling me about all the good they do for impoverished blacks in their communities - they are an "organization that has been around since the '50s." It is all on the up and up. They are trying to empower her. And I literally shake my head at my monitor. Really? She bought that? I reassured that I would be there no matter what, there is nothing waiting for her at home - which is why this leap makes sense. She is not hearing anything I am saying. My stomach is tied in knots. My head is throbbing. I still can't make her see. But I wish I didn't care. I have buried 18 kids, I don't need to bury another. I only hope she realizes what she has gotten into before it is too late to get out of. God Speed, Gilligan Girl. God Speed.
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| Breakfast at Kelly's - not quite Tiffany's |

The afternoon was perfect, good burgers, live music in the background, big screen TVs for me and J had firefighters to talk to while I cussed not so silently over some sad performances on opening day. There was only one moment where my femaleness and my obsession with the Dance caused a scene. Or maybe it was the green beer flowing through his veins at that moment. Eventually the guys will get used to the fact that the SI comes in my name, you don't bother me on Sundays from August until February and it have a Twitter account just to keep up with the sports gossip of the day. Either way, it was still a great day. We headed back to my dad's for pizza and UW's win over Belmont and rescued him from the girls. Yesterday we grabbed the boys from my in-laws and the end of Spring Break is upon us. But Thursday - Thursday I could not have planned to be any better!
But in the peace and quiet that comes with missing children I always find myself missing them. Missing the arguments over chores, toys, space, snacks, homework, science experiments, haircuts...I must sound insane. But I miss my kids terribly after the first night. Can you see me as an empty nester? YIKES! They will all be back Friday. D will be home from school, we will head up to Grandma's to pick up the boys and the chaos will be back in full swing. Life will be good.
So in the mean time, I anxiously wait for the boys to wake up. For D to realize she still has to go to school. For the craziness to ensue. I will miss it, I always do. Then, as always my dear husband will merely shake his head and call me crazy - which is totally true. Why else would I teach high school, while married to a man who gets paid to run into burning buildings, with 4 kids in dire need my sole attention - right NOW? But sometimes, crazy is good.
I heard through the grapevine that is what my reputation has become. Well, not mean, but hard. My FF subbed at our Lower Campus Thursday and Friday. Our school is one big incestual family - per my department chair who has been on staff since 1980. Everyone is married to someone within the school family. As he points out his former students, "she used to be a "Smith" but she married a "Jones" and her mom is a "Johnson." All of these names have been changed, but you get the idea. Many of our alum marry other alum. All of the families are somehow seemingly related. I was told it was good that we have four kids, because we bring new blood to the gene pool. Aside from that, we also have several alum who are now back as staff. One such staff member is at our Lower Campus (PreK-5). She told my FF that her son is afraid to take my class next year because it is so hard. 
It is that time of year. Kids and teachers alike look forward to it - Spring Break! I am especially thrilled as my hubby made his trades and PO days work out so that he as off the whole week with us. (Here's where I am thrilled for the flexibility a FF schedule offers!) Now, it gets even nicer. The boys are going to Door County for a few days with my in-laws and D is still too young to go to school with the boys and me, so she is still in school. That means there will only be one kid home with us most of the time. Now, I know this sounds bad. But we will be able to get things done around here. No bickering to mediate, to temper tantrums over chores, smaller meals to prepare. Only early bedtimes. I love my muppets, but I am excited for the break.