Monday, October 17, 2011

Back to Square One

Or that's how it feels anyway.

We have been in PM classes for 3 weeks.  That's it.  And yet, it feels like it has been FOREVER!!  I feel like everything that can go wrong has.  O's hair had to be treated again from the cooties and so it started coming out is clumps.  We have to shave her down in back because it looked so bad. So, now she looks like a cutey pootey with short hair (we saved as much of her bangs as would stay).  And she woke up this morning missing her ponytail.  It broke my heart! I had to take 8 loads of laundry to my dad's house yesterday, which meant my whole day was shot.  In theory, Maytag is coming today, after 3:30pm which means I have to zoom out of class to get home and meet them.  But, I will believe that when I see it.  The list goes on and on and on.

I forgot how much I HATE this single mom gig.  Yes, my husband comes home every night.  Yes, I get to sleep with him every night.  But that is it.  It is night after night of studying and study groups and more studying.  Which is good.  But that leaves me to fend for myself, again, until at least January, again.  And I am just not cut out for this single mommy gig.  It is not my thang!  When J and I started dating, kids were not on my radar.  Funny, now that I have 4.  I just put so much pressure on myself that it makes me nuts.  Kids get sick, I have to miss multiple days.  Laundry repairman comes, I have to fly home, after picking up four kids.  We need groceries, I need to get the groceries. Yes, I know, "Just don't put all that on yourself."  "Make J do some of that."  "Just give yourself a break, the house doesn't need to be perfect." I know, have heard it all.  But, how else will it get done?  It won't which means I have to do it. My house was a mess, my in-laws were over while I was at my dad's and I had to just push it out of my mind.  I did not have a Saturday to clean.  It sucked.  I hate it.  Single moms who pull this off 24/7/365 so ROCK!!

I am becoming miserable.  SO...today I am going back to what I did last year at this time, when I was going through the same thing.  I was miserable a year ago and I am finding my way back to that again...and I HATE it.

So, five things every post that I am grateful for.  I can vent about what is driving me crazy, but I have to remember the good things.

1) I stink you, Momma - something that started with the muppets and Daddy that O has invited me into.  Is there a better expression of love?
2) My Giovanni  - the resiliency of dog's amazes me.  How well G has adapted to life as a tripawed and to our crazy clan is amaizng.
3)Watching my K9s frolic and play - Ignore me yapping to the FF on the phone in the background!  :D
4)The Maytag Man FINALLY came today I will have the parts sent to my house this week and they will be here next week Tuesday to install them and I will have my washer back!

5)High school kids who think I must make the coolest mom ever Now, if only my own will think that in a few years.  It is nice to have them want to come with good news and bad.  One was so sweet, he gathered up 6 tickets for me to take my friends to Six Flags this weekend.  I do love my job!
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