Now, here is where I have to practice what I preach. My first inclination is not to move on, but to stay and fight and make it work. And I wear myself out with that. I have seen in my marriage, in my classrooms and in my personal life. I am a fixer. I am a control freak. I am a perfectionist. I feel a drive to make things work and when they don't there is a sense of defeat...failure...sadness.
However, after I let myself let go and accept that nothing lasts forever; that I need to take what I can from it and move on, things become easier.
We saw it when we entered the fire world. My husband was a teacher for over a decade. He came from a family of teachers and he was fighting to make it work. And I tried to help him make it work. But it just wasn't working. Everyone was unhappy. And there was a sense of failure...yet again. The fire service came up in the discussion and it was scary. I was going to be home for 24 hours at a time with four small children. I was going to work around a teacher's schedule AND the fire schedule. We almost literally jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. And it worked! It was scary, but it worked. There is a sense of calm among the chaos that our home has never seen before.
|O - crashed in my classroom.|
Now, I find myself more at home - both literally and figuratively. My kids' school is 5 minutes away from home. The high school I will be teaching at is 5 minutes away from home. And the two schools are just a parkway apart. I can come home in between school and open houses - without cutting it close. I can eat DINNER! ohmygoodness. Sounds like silly little things, but with the exception of 10 months of my career, I have always had to drive on the freeway to get to work. I have never been closer than 25-30 minutes from home. If I forget something it will not take my entire prep period to go and retrieve it. Gas won't cost half of my pay check. I DON'T HAVE TO BE OUT THE DOOR BEFORE O'DARK THIRTY! My guilt about leaving the public schools for a cushier gig is officially gone. Life is good!
You have no idea how exciting change is. So far, I think I am going to love my department. I have been teaching World History for EVER and I am very familiar with the good and bad of the text. I don't have to reinvent the wheel!! I can pull out my units and tweak them! Psychology is new-er to me. I have not taught Psych since my student teaching. And that is and of itself is exciting! I am 3 minutes from the kids' school - which might allow me to still attend Muffins with Mom and such events I have usually missed out on. Shift days won't be near so painful. If I need to get work done at school, I can pick up the kids and drop them off at home - AND GO BACK TO WORK. Such a novel concept!
I can be part of the revitalization so desperately needed for this historic cornerstone of our neighborhood, especially as the school enters her centennial year. Change is good.
So, as life comes at you, it will be in a constant state of change. Work, friends, homes, family, hobbies...nothing is static. All aspects of our lives are in a constant state of change. We can fight it and struggle to keep the status quo in place. Or, we can jump in to the changes with an exciting, adventurous outlook and see where it takes us. I think that is where I am going head! Wish me luck.
My FF is still recovering from his insane last two weeks, especially after his fantasy football draft last night. But, my friends, that is a story for another day. Kiss those FFs, laugh with those moments and realize that sometimes you just gotta embrace the change.