I love and hate this about him - he will help anyone - with anything - at anytime. Regardless of what else needs to be done, he will drop everything to help anyone. That was yesterday. He was supposed to help me out with cookies for our auxiliary's Cookie for Friends gathering. Cookies brighten spirits. We put together a ton of platters of cookies for Walter Reid, the Sojourner Truth House, the VA, some of our injured FF families, our mourning families...you get the idea. We all bring 5 dozen and put the trays o' treats together. Life did not allow me to get to it. His response, "Don't worry, I'll do it for you." Awesome!
I got home from school, expecting that my firefighter would have my house smelling of baked fresh goodness. And it looked and smelled exactly the same as it did when I left at O'Dark Hundred. He hadn't been home all day.
And there were no cookies.
I called him - he was TWO hours away. " I was going to make them when I got home." Ummm, yeah, I will be running off to my meeting by the time you get started. That simply won't work. :(
So, I cancelled the math tutor (I was too insane to be seen
|Why, yes, that is fur at the top!|
When I walked in, the house still looked the same as when I left at O'Dark Hundred that morning.
I left the muppets in charge of one chore each. And asked my hubby to get the dress clothes together for tonight's concert, since my time for that was taken up making the candies for the meeting and I did not want to drive an extra hour and a half to do it. And today is a Green Shift.
None of it was done.
And St. Nick had not stuffed the stockings.
And the dishes were still in the dining room.
And his clothes were still piled in the hallway, waiting for him to go through his dresser.
And laundry had not been switched.
And lunches had not been made.
And O was asleep in her clothes and their room was a mess.
And I went and started to do it all BY MYSELF.
I cleaned the girls' room and put O into her pajamas and into her bed.
And I stomped.
No showers were given.
And I huffed.
And the Elf on the Shelf wasn't done.
And I was miserable.
I don't "do" things outside of the house (very much) anymore because I feel like I just don't have time to get it all done. He wants me to go out with the girls like I used to, but then stuff doesn't get done and I freak out. It is the nature of this beast. I must have order in my kingdom. And it doesn't help that I feel unheard and disrespected when I ask for help and am essentially blown off.
I need him to understand that.
He didn't see that.
He saw an opportunity to sit and watch Christmas movies with the kids, without having to compete for their attention with me. O, does not want Daddy if Mommy is there. :(
He fell asleep, because it was quiet. And even though he did not have a crazy night the night before, it was his first night back to work in nearly two weeks. There is a re-acclimation to be sure. And then was his amazing helpful self with both of our mothers, the entire next day. Again, I have an on-going love/hate relationship with this side of him. It drives me crazy, but who doesn't love a man who is willing to serve his friends and family at any time?
He needs me to understand that.
I wish I was perfect and could smile and say that's okay. Strap on my apron and pearls and get it done. But, I am a sleep deprived, stretched thin, hard working, firewife teacher, mommy of 4 who is not inherently perfect. I have a quick temper, especially when I am tired. Am working on it always.
There are still two baskets of laundry in the living room waiting to be folded, with another couple in the wings. My village still does not have a skirt - in any section and in fact the "back woods" is still hanging out in my messy dining room. I am still in need of groceries. My bedroom looks like it did when I was 10. And that will all still be waiting for me this weekend.
Tonight is the three stooges Christmas concert. I am sending my oh so cool 7th grader home with another teacher to tend to the dogs. We should be home around 9ish.
And all of that stuff will still be there.
Friday is my FF's birthday, he will be the same age as me again and will no longer be able to attempt to lord that over me for another 41 weeks. And we are celebrating by getting my dad's tree up and decorated. Grandpa will feed us and give J his present. Life will be good.
And all of that stuff will still be there.
My FF is amazing and I love him. Hopefully, he can put up with my type A personality who must have everything done - perfectly...yesterday. And hopefully I can continue to appreciate the relaxed nature he usually brings to our crew.
The weekend is almost upon us. Enjoy your kids. Laugh with them and love on them. Enjoy your firefighter. I am trying to realize that the laundry will all still be there waiting for me.