Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

That was what I said, right??

And I did mean it.

But, what about when it starts to piss you off? What about when you just feel insignificant?  

Your day starts out okay.  But then your brakes, that were just redone the day before started on fire.  And my interview went really well, but I had to wait at the firehouse so I would not be stranded in a less than safe neighborhood.  And then we had to rush off to football.  And after football another firefighter whose kid is in the same league invited J out for a beer.  Usually, no big deal.  Usually, I don't care.  But I didn't get to debrief my husband with the interview.  And the night we had planned for after football was totally disregarded and...I was a cranky b-----.

And there was nothing he could do to make it better.  

I fell asleep while he was gone and when he came home, he wanted to talk about his discussion with the other fireman.  Bad mojo.  I don't sleep well and when you wake me up, I am up.  So, this was just a disaster waiting to happen.  I tried not to talk because nothing good was going to spew from me, so I grabbed a bottle of water and watched the rain from the front porch, until he could get to sleep. 

Nothing good was going to happen.  And he knew it.

So he went to sleep.  He needs sleep to function.  And I was up for an insane period of time.  Once I am up, I am up.  I wish I could go back to sleep like my FF.  But that is not a skill I possess.

When the alarm went off, he opted to stay with me - crabbiness and all - rather than go work out with the guys at 6am.  One, he knows how hard it is for him to have all the social interaction while I stay home and hold down the fort alone - again.  As hard as I try, I find that resentment creeps in when I feel locked into this domestic world all by myself.  We have a wedding this weekend, a bonus dog, a birthday party.  I have two more interviews and I am so not in the ready for any of them, in the manner my control freak personality requires. Two, we really can't go a day without being able to talk civilly to each other.  I know I can't.  It gave us an hour to talk about yesterday, and NOT my car starting on fire!

So, football tonight.  Interview this afternoon for a position I know I do not want.  Tomorrow is this position I wanted oh so badly three years ago.  Fingers crossed for that one!  

Make sure you talk to your FF.  Even if it is just to say I love you.  Keep those muppets in line, loving boundaries are my focus today - cleaning rooms today. You made it half way through the week.

PS - my hubby has 6 more days of this "40" hour week baloney and we can find our normal again!  Thank goodness!

PPS - Artwork by Ariel Rivas.

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