Snapped because we are out of cereal. Snapped because my kids can't seem to figure out that when the garbage can is overflowing, it is time to take it out. Snapped because when we moved in August, he worked 48 after 48 after 48 and I had to do the move alone - with 4 kids...and history seems to repeat itself. Snapped because I still have to close up my classroom, with said 4 kids, because my husband is at the race track. Snapped because we lost a day of painting because I listened to the girl at Lowe's rather than my gut. I just snapped. And now his phone is dead and I can't even say I am sorry. I won't see him until later tomorrow night. Tonight will be one of the busiest shifts he has all year. The weather will be in the 90s. The beer will be flowing. He had 16 runs on Friday, no doubt today will be worse.
I know better.
Aww! I'm sorry you've had a crummy day!
ReplyDeleteLet me put your mind at ease... I once mentioned to my boo about the whole try not to argue before he goes to the station thing 'cuz I'd hate for that to be the late thing he remembers if something should happen.
And he laughed at me.
He told me has had a few life flash before his eyes moments, and he has hung onto what he saw in those moments because it's the only time in his life he's ever seen his life that clearly. He told me what he thought about wasn't whatever petty argument we had had the night before, he saw the quiet moments sitting together on the couch talking and laughing. He saw the happy moments playing with the kids and watching them grow. He remembered the day we met and the first time he held our kids. He said he saw, clearly, how loved and lucky he was.
What he worried about wasn't what I had done or said...but was whether or not he had done enough to let us know just how much he loved us.
Then he told me, "we are going to fight and bicker and, yes, it will be on station days too, but we're human, it's gonna happen, let's forgive, forget and move on."
:) My normally dense and man-of-few-words boo, occasionally floors me with his simple wisdom and insight on life. I guess 12 years of life or death situations but it into perspective for a person...
It happens. With prom, end of school, moving and all, after just coming out a year of PM school, you've held it together better than a lot of us would have.
ReplyDeleteWhat Amber said makes sense.
I know when I think back about loved ones, I remember the good stuff and filter out the bad. I think filtering out the bad stuff is human nature, so likely if someone were having a "last moment" it probably wouldn't be the arguement they had that morning.
I've never had a life flashing before my eyes experience. Had I not made it through my last "last moment", my last thought would have been "OH SHIT I'M GONNA DIE".
Hope you are feeling better! All I can say is that I totally and completely understand! The only difference for us is that instead of the racetrack it is the IX Center and his fire Dept shifts are 24hours.
ReplyDeleteWe are 24 hour shifts here, as well. I think the realization came to him last night when our 6 year-old argued with him on the phone about whether or not he was coming home. When I talked to him he said, "Guess I better hurry up and get home, huh?" Ya think?? The girls haven't seen him all week. He's left when we left for school and he's gotten home from the track after the girls were in bed. Ah well. He's taking up boxes and dresser drawers today, works tomorrow and the movers come Monday. (Guess I better grab some 24 hour energies today, huh? The end is in sight! Enjoy your weekend!
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